Study Guides for ID Groups

Meditations for Study Groups

The following are a selection of meditations that speak to the heart of the Christian spirituality that Imago Dei seeks to encourage. These are offered as an aid to those who are perhaps new to the emphasis of spiritual theology. They will also be helpful for those who wish to simply be reminded of their heart’s most profound desire—to live intimately with God.

If you are presently meeting in a small group, these meditations might serve to deepen your fellowship around these themes. You can select whichever ones seems suitable for your group at the time and copy them to print. The questions at the end of each meditation are given as springboards for discussion. Do feel free to edit these questions or to add your own as they apply to your group.

If you are not presently meeting in a group, perhaps these might be an encouragement for you to gather with others to explore the mysteries of our relationship with God. These questions, of course, can also be used for personal meditation on these topics.

MEDITATIONS AND QUESTIONS ON THE SPIRITUAL LIFE

1. “Giving Your All to God”

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.

Romans 12:1

During prayer I found myself asking the Lord, “What is best for me to be doing when I pray? What is most profitable to spiritual growth?” I was reminded of Paul’s instructions that our most complete offering is to present ourselves as “living sacrifices.” If my desire is that God dwell more fully in me, this seems like a reasonable first step. It’s the only way I can ever hope to claim the identity that Paul had for himself when he wrote: “it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Gal. 2:20)

Contemplative prayer is an offering whereby we place ourselves on the altar of spiritual formation and let God create in us whatever is needed. We sacrifice our right to self-will and determination in deference to the Lord’s will and determination. As a living sacrifice my prayer is simply to present myself daily to the Holy Spirit. Once I put my life on this altar, it is no longer mine but His, to do with as He pleases.

According to Paul, God recognizes such a life of self-offering as “holy and pleasing.” This was the relationship with the Father that Jesus modeled while He was on earth, and which He calls us to imitate in our relationship with Him. As we continually offer our lives as a sacrifice to God, we will surely grow in the experience of Christ, who lives in us.

Questions:

What does it mean for us to be a “living sacrifice” to God during our prayers? What is required of us for this? What is not required of us?
What conditions in our inner life would be necessary for us to be able to say, as Paul does, “the life I live is not my own, it is Christ who lives in me”? (Gal. 2:20)
The meditation states: “Once I put my life on this altar (of prayer), it is no longer mine but His, to do with as He pleases.” How is this true in our prayer experience? What are some of the ways that we “take back” our lives after having offered them to God in prayer?

Prayer: Consider the “holy and pleasing” sacrifice that submissiveness in your prayer represents to God. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a sincere desire to present yourself more and more to God in this way.

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2. “Embracing Poverty as Blessed by God”

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3

In the Dark Night of the Soul, St. John of the Cross encourages us to “make perfect the inner poverty of spirit.” St. John teaches that, as we approach God in our journey, we inevitably enter a realm of mystery where we recognize that we are no longer in a position to lay down the terms and conditions of the relationship. In order to progress in the spiritual life we must lose our sense of mastery and control over it, our sense of being able to deal with God on our own terms. In so doing, we move beyond our own version of reality—one that is largely self-constructed—and more towards truth as God defines and reveals it to us.

As we walk along a path that is no longer self-determined we are stripped of all guarantees which are rooted in our selves. We begin to truly live a life of faith, love, and trust in God as the sole Author and Finisher of our faith. It’s no wonder that this undoing presents us with such difficulties. St. John of the Cross teaches that such growth will naturally be accompanied by a sense of loss which will lead us to experience the true poverty of spirit that Jesus is referring to here.

In the paradox of faith, when you feel that you’ve lost your sense of competence in your spiritual life it could well be a sign of real spiritual progress in the direction of a deeper dependence on God. An awareness of inner poverty, of having nothing of your own to offer God, should be cause for peace rather than disturbance since it is, in Jesus’ teaching, the very condition that ushers in blessing.

Questions:

What are some of the ways that we try to manage our relationship with God on our own terms? In what ways do we “lay down terms and conditions?”

What might we be afraid of in asking God to reveal who God is to us? What might we fear losing?

If “poverty of spirit” means to recognize our “creaturehood” (or dependence) before God how easy is this for us to accept? How might the idea of being a child, versus being more adult-like in our relationship with God, apply to this?

Prayer: Ask Jesus to help you accept the poverty of spirit in your life that He calls blessed. Consider what it means to let go of whatever “competence” you think you have in the spiritual life.

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3. “The Upside-Down Ways of God”

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 11:39

Each of the gospels repeat this important teaching that Jesus gave. In a variety of ways the Lord is trying to make us understand something crucial . . . “The one who loves their life will lose it, while the one who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. . . . If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself. . . . Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”

The same Jesus who came to give us a more abundant life cautions us about holding on too tightly to the one we have. Rather than love our lives directly, we are to let go and look beyond them, in order to follow more closely the Giver of life.

In what ways might your relationship to life be obstructing your relationship to God? What would it mean for you to “lose your life” in order to find it in Christ? These are the questions that need to be asked if we’re going to experience the truth of one of Jesus’ more difficult sayings.

The Lord invites us to examine our lives in light of this teaching and to explore for ourselves the paradoxical wisdom by which He leads us to greater Truth.

To advance spiritually we must be still . . . to grow we must become small. . . to accumulate we must let go . . . to have perfect freedom we must perfectly submit our wills to God . . . to gain life we must learn how to continually lose it.

Welcome to the kingdom of God. It’s not what you’d expect.

Questions:

Consider the question raised in the meditation: “In what ways might our relationship to life be obstructing our relationship to God?” How are we overly pre-occupied with “finding our life?”

What challenges do we face in trusting Jesus enough to let go of our lives?

What alternatives do we come up with to the upside-down ways that Jesus prescribes? What are some of the outcomes we usually experience in following our own instincts?

Prayer: Talk to Jesus (and to one another if that seems appropriate) about some of the fears we have that cause us to maintain an anxious grip on life. Ask Jesus (or others to pray for you) for faith to trust Him enough to explore the concept of “losing your life in Him” for yourself.

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4. “God Gives us Spiritual Life”

Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

John 20:21

I met with my spiritual director last week. In the course of our time together we examined the mystery of how we participate most with our spiritual growth by simply being receptive to God. This is the age-old “to be or not to be” question to which prayer inevitably leads us. What part do I play in my spiritual life? What part does God play? And at what point does my own participation actually begin to hinder my spiritual growth?

In speaking of this matter, Jeanne Guyon, a 17th century Christian contemplative, used the metaphor of a ship that leaves the port. All the sailors are working hard, pulling at the oars in order to make the ship advance. But once the vessel is at sea and has found favourable winds, the pilot simply spreads the sails and holds the rudder. She writes,

Oh what progress they make without becoming the least bit tired. They are making more progress in one hour without any effort than they ever did before, even when exerting all their strength. If the oars were used now, it would only slow the ship and cause fatigue . . . they are now useless and unnecessary.

Jesus’ command to His disciples was to simply, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” What is the life God is inviting you to receive, without effort, from Him?

I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

Mark 10:15

Questions:

Is it difficult to imagine that our well-intentioned contribution to our own spiritual life might actually be in the way of God’s more direct work in our life? List some of the things you “do for God” and consider how they might possibly prevent you from receiving other things God has in mind.
What type of spiritual preparation might be the equivalent Jeanne Guyon’s metaphor of rowing the ship into position?
What disposition are we called to in order to better “receive the Holy Spirit?” In what ways do we slow down the ship of our prayers by keeping our “oars” in the water?

Prayer: Talk to Jesus about what He might want you to receive from Him. Ask the Lord to give you faith to let go of the ‘work” of prayer.

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5. “Leaving the Orbit of Self”

Burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require. Then I said, “Here I am, I have come…. I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”

Psalm 40:6-8

It is easy to turn our relationship with God, especially our prayer relationship, into a method or a technique for self-improvement. But God has ordained that the door to intimacy remain closed to anyone who would try to enter by any other means than love. Our love for God reaches beyond the veil that encloses us. It alone can release us from the force of gravity that binds us to ourselves.

Dionysius the Areopagite spoke of a “dart of love” that we must throw outwards from ourselves towards God. Like a grappling hook it will pull us out of the confines of our self-orientation into the arms of God. There is no other way out of the closed system of self than to reach out, in love, to the Divine Other.

O Father, we thank You for relationship with Jesus Christ in whom we are poured out as a love offering. Receive us that we would be caught up in the movement of Your Spirit. Pull us upwards, towards the Love that is You.

Questions:

How do you relate to the “pull of gravity” of the self? How does this natural inclination become a problem in your relationship with God? With others? With yourself?
What other means, besides love, might we be using to approach God with?
How does God work in you, to draw your focus away from self-orientation and towards God?

Prayer: Consider the prayer at the closing of this meditation and God’s “pull” towards His love. In prayer, let yourself be “lifted up” in the love that the Holy Spirit gives you for Christ.

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6. “Spread Out Thinly”

Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation.

Luke 21:34

dis-si-pate: vt. (from the Latin ‘dis-supare’ meaning to ‘throw away’) 1. to scatter 2. to make disappear 3. to waste or squander

Jesus gave this warning to His disciples as a way of bracing them against the confusion of the end times. The disciples were secure while in the presence and proximity of Jesus but He warned them, knowing that He would soon depart, to be careful not to let the fine wine of the Spirit become diluted—watered down by the anxieties and distractions of life. It is advice intended for us all—that we not let the many concerns of the day spread our lives out so thin that the concentration of the Spirit would seem to disappear from our souls.

Like sun rays shining through a magnifying glass, the spiritual life needs to be kept in sharp focus if it is to remain intense. With the glass held at an optimum distance the rays concentrate into a burning light. This optimum distance is a very precise one and, as it applies to our souls, is one that we each have to discover and maintain for ourselves. Moving a magnifying glass back or forward, even slightly, will dissipate the rays and weaken their intensity.

Be careful Jesus tells us. It is easy to lose the intensity of your spiritual life. Keep focused. Be aware of the daily state of your spiritual passion and watch for signs of it being squandered.

Jesus goes on to offer an ounce of prevention to help us keep our spiritual focus. “Be always on the watch,” He says, “and pray.”

Watch— be attentive to the subtle changes that take place in your spirit every day. And pray—take the time to ensure that God’s rays remain at optimum focus in you.

Questions:

Consider how, in your own life, the “fine wine of the Holy Spirit” becomes diluted. What does it feel like to be ‘watered down” in your spiritual life?

What particular anxieties or “concerns of the day” are causing you to lose your spiritual focus at this time? How does prayer help you, like a magnifying glass, regain this focus?

Why is being attentive to the changes in our spirit such an important part of the spiritual life? How can this be cultivated in our lives?

Prayer: Ask God to help you notice when you are becoming dissipated or weighed down in your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit for the resolve that will help you choose to protect your heart from dissipation.

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**7. “What Do You Want Lord?”**

The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

1 Samuel 3:10

There are many times in life when we are desperate to hear a word from God. Who am I? Who are you? What should I do? Where should I go? Our desire to hear from God often comes from the pressing needs we have for which clear Divine direction would be the most direct remedy. But, in the story of Samuel, we see another disposition towards hearing God’s voice—where the need that is being responded to is not ours, but God’s.

How often do we feel God tugging at our hearts with an invitation to approach Him? It might not come in the form of a complete sentence but it’s easy to know what God is communicating when we sense the gentle breeze of desire for spiritual intimacy pass through our hearts. Perhaps, like Samuel, we need to cultivate the simple response of being attentive to God whenever we feel our hearts being called. Here I am Lord. I heard you call. Speak, for your servant is listening. What would You like from me? For Samuel, listening to God had much more to do with what God might need from him than what he might need from God.

Can we hear the voice of the One who loves us, beckoning our names? We have opportunity, every time we sense God calling us, to respond with the simple act of showing up—to harken as quickly as we can and be attentive.

“Here I am Lord.” This was Samuel’s posture for listening attentively to God. And in 1Sam. 3:19 it is written, “The Lord was with Samuel as he grew up, and he (Samuel) let none of His words fall to the ground.”

That’s what it means to be attentive.

Questions:

Do you feel God calling you, at times, to draw near? How does God do this?

What are some of the ways you respond to or resist God’s beckoning?

How would your prayer be different if its intention was simply to ask God, ”What would You like from me?”

Prayer: Confess the ways that you perhaps let God’s word to you “fall to the ground.” Ask Jesus to help you be more attentive and more immediately responsive to God’s word as it washes over you in your day. Thank God that God’s communication with us doesn’t depend entirely on our hearing correctly, or at all.

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8. “Being Good Ground for God”

When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

Matthew 13:19-23

If God is continually sowing the seed of His word in my life how much of that seed gets snatched away by the evil one before I’m even aware of it landing on me? How much of it moves my heart for a moment but, as troubles or pleasures distract me, ends up ultimately dying? What percentage of God’s word actually takes root and becomes fruitful in me? In short, what type of ground am I?

I am increasingly aware of the changing consistency of the “ground” of my soul throughout the day. At times I find I am quite receptive to God and to other people. At other times I feel closed off, more superficial, less porous. The seed no longer penetrates deeply.

The depth of our ground is certainly one of the things Jesus is drawing our attention to in this parable. The rocky places have no topsoil. There is nowhere for the seed to take root in order to bear fruit. The good ground however is able to receive the seed deeply—to nurture it, to provide it with nutrients, and to remain uncluttered enough for a plant to eventually push through.

A spiritually-minded person spends time preparing the ground of their heart, keeping it loose and receptive through prayer, adding nutrients through study and meditation in order to create the optimum conditions for God’s seed to grow. They work to keep the weeds of anxiety and self-pampering at bay so that their ground can be used for more noble purposes. They learn how to nurse the seed to ensure it will germinate after it has touched their hearts. Perhaps they keep a journal so that they can later return and deepen the knowledge or experience that this seed has represented. Or perhaps they introduce new disciplines into their lives, the result of some insight God has shown them about their spiritual growth.

Learning to maintain good ground is one of the most essential conditions for spiritual growth. It is according to the state of your soul that you both receive life as well as beget life. Our “ground” is the place in which we are created, as well as the place from which we create.

Jesus wants us to consider the ever-changing ground of our souls. If our souls are kept in good condition we will receive God deeply into our lives and bear rich fruit beyond ourselves, into the lives of others. All we do will come from a good place.

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit.

Matthew 7:16-18

Questions:

Take a moment to consider the “ground” of your heart. What do you think might happen to the seed that God sows in this type of ground?
What makes you more or less receptive to God’s word? Are there things that you can choose to help you be more so?
What does it mean for you to nurture the seed God has given you, to provide it with nutrients and to keep the space around it uncluttered?

Prayer: Ask God to show you how you might more consistently maintain good, receptive, ground in your life. Express your desire to not only receive deeply the things of God, but also to bear the fruit that the Lord desires in you.

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9. “Free to Walk”

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

Isaiah 30:21

Listen and you will hear. Could it really be that simple? God, directly influencing our way, whether we turn to the right or to the left? It reminds me of the words to an old hymn, ”for those who live a life of prayer God is present everywhere.” In this passage we find encouragement that, no matter which way we go, we can always hope to hear the Lord’s assurances in our prayers: “This is the way, walk in it.”

How often do we carry in our minds the image of a fork in the road? We assume that one way is necessarily God’s will and that the other will lead us away from His Presence. Though it is always necessary to ask for clarity in making choices it is not appropriate for us to overly fear being out of God’s will if we are people of prayer. If we are constantly open to being redirected, His voice is always behind us saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”

Jesus knew the assurance of the Father’s constant presence when He said in John 8, “the one who sent me is with me; He has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases Him.”

This is the same assurance the Lord offered His disciples when He said: “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Whether you turn to the right or to the left, I am with you always; whether you are in temptation or not, I am with you always; whether you believe it or not, I am with you always.

You are not lost. This is the way, walk in it. May we be people who listen continually for that blessed assurance.

Acknowledge the Lord in all your ways and He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:6

Questions:

In what situations does “fork in the road” thinking usually show up for you? Are there imminent decisions in your life that you fear might move you away from God’s “plan” for you?
How does prayer give you confidence that whether you turn to the right or the left, God is saying, “this is the way?”
How might simply seeking to “always do what pleases God” guide us in our decisions? What other considerations might take priority over this one?

Prayer: Ask God to show you the things that are most pleasing to Him about your life at present. Consider choices you are about to make, big ones and small ones, and ask the Lord where His pleasure might be in these.

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10. “Testing Spirits”

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit.

Luke 6 :43-44

Anyone who regularly practices the Awareness Examen (see website) will become much more attentive to what happens within them each day. As we discover the many shades of experience that take place in the course of a day we come to recognize both the good and bad spirits that influence the choices we make. It’s important to be able to distinguish between these spirits. In 1 John 4 :1 we are cautioned to “not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God”’ Jesus shows us, in the Scripture above, one way to do this—by examining the fruit a spirit bears within you.

What are you experiencing in your spirit and what has led you there? Is the spirit that has led you to this state of soul truly from God? Or is it a spirit you shouldn’t be heeding?

St. Ignatius of Loyola taught his disciples to distinguish between spirits that produce consolations in the soul and those that produce desolations of the soul. If we picture our inner life as a weather system it might give us an idea of the varied states of light and darkness our souls pass through each day. The word consolation, from the Latin, literally means “with the sun.” Desolation, in contrast, means “without the sun.” These are important distinctions to note as they each bear quite a different fruit in our spirits.

In his Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius identifies the spirit of consolation as causing “an increase of faith, hope, and love, and all interior joy that invites and attracts to what is heavenly by filling it with peace and quiet in its Creator and Lord.”

Desolations he defines as:

darkness of soul, turmoil of spirit, inclination to what is low and earthly, restlessness rising from many disturbances which lead to want of faith, want of hope, want of love. The soul is wholly slothful, tepid, sad and separated, as it were, from its Creator and Lord.

In his diagnosis of the effects of desolation Ignatius adds,

it is characteristic of the evil spirit to afflict with sadness, to harass with anxiety and to raise obstacles based on false reasoning.

Sound familiar? You will know a spirit by its fruit. A bad spirit produces a souring of the soul. Awareness that this is happening should be the first indicator that the voice you are following is not from God. It is time to let go of whatever your mind, heart or actions have been pursuing and to wait on God for redirection.

The church has handed down to us important wisdom with regards to living the spiritual life. As we learn to pay more attention to our souls we will be able to more wisely choose which voices to follow.

My sheep follow me because they know my voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.

John 10:4-5

Questions:

If attentiveness is essential to making good choices, how can we cultivate this wisdom?
Ignatius says that “it is characteristic of the evil spirit to afflict with sadness, to harass with anxiety and to raise obstacles based on false reasoning.” The fruit of this spirit is that “the soul is wholly slothful, tepid, sad and separated, as it were, from its Creator and Lord.” In what ways do we unnecessarily blame ourselves for such states of soul rather than the spirit we’ve been following?
Once such a “souring of the soul” has been noticed what can be done about it?

Prayer: Ask the Lord to help you be more attentive to what takes place in your soul each day. Ask God for wisdom in choosing which spirits to follow in your inner life and which to run away from.

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11. “Finding and Keeping Your Heart”

Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

Where are you situated within yourself? What aspect of yourself do you most identify with? Perhaps a pianist would say his hands. An artist might say her eyes. Many people might say their mouths are the place they feel most identified with. Take a moment before reading on to examine this in yourself. Where are you? Where do you operate from most of the time?

I would imagine (an ironic clue in itself) that most of us identify with our minds more than any other aspect of our being. Our minds lay claim to a significant portion of our personhood. We think, and therefore assume that we are what we think. This Cartesian assumption however can also prove problematic. Many of us know, or have known, what it is like to be victims of our own minds.

The Bible is clear however that we are not our minds. According to Scripture, it is the heart that is the center of who we are. The Hebrew word labe (translated “heart”) is understood as the seat of our feelings, will and intellect—the place we come from, the wellspring of life. That is why the contemplative desires to dwell as much as possible in his or her heart.

The Desert Fathers taught their disciples how to pray with their minds in their hearts. They recognized this as a deepening degree of prayer. As their hearts were warmed by concentration on God their thoughts melted, being transformed more into feelings for God. As Bishop Theophan the Recluse wrote, “whoever has passed through action and thought to true feeling will pray without words, for God is God of the heart.”

To find one’s heart requires much more simplicity than your mind is usually comfortable with. One has to learn to descend deeper, below the choppy surface waves of who we are. As Simon Tugwell writes,

What is important is that our prayer should reach down to the core of our being, the point of unity with our identity. This is something deeper than and underlying all our intellectual and emotional activity. It is from there, if anywhere, that our thoughts and feelings can be ‘taken captive in Christ.’

It takes grace to recover our heart-identity. But once we have found it, the wisdom of Proverbs tells us to be careful to guard it above all things. Learn how to remain there—in the truth of who you are—because, there, you will discover the wellspring of your life.

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart.

Psalm 86:11

Questions:

How aware are you of the movements of your heart in the course of a day?
In what ways have you felt like a “victim of your mind” at times? What habits of thought produce anxiety and a deflated spirit in you?
How can you identify more with the movements of your heart as your truer self? How can this identity be “guarded?”

Prayer: Ask the Holy Spirit to “take captive” your thoughts in Christ and to make more evident to you the movements of God’s spirit that take place in your heart. Consider Psalm 131 as you desire the simplicity of the spirit of self-poverty that will lead you away from “great matters” and more towards the quiet murmurs of the heart.

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12. “Trusting Enough to Let Go”

Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.

Ecclesiastes 11:1

One thing that prayer teaches us is that we have to keep letting go in order to advance further. You have to loosen the grip on what is in your hand in order to gain the next thing, or simply to gain a freer relationship to what you already have. Sometimes this requires remaining in a place of nothingness—a place between letting go and receiving—in faith that God will return us to ourselves. We learn to wait, sometimes many days, for what the waters may bring in.

Cast your bread upon the waters. The only way to know for sure that what you have is really God-given is to hold it loosely. Your vocation, your possessions, your status, your lot in life—these are given things. And it is faith that this is so that lets us hold on to them loosely. We cast them back upon the waters of life confident that, if they are from God, they will be found over and over again to be ours.

The alternative to this type of faith is to covet our gifts, fight for our possessions, become anxious about our vocation, or manipulative about securing or bettering our lot in life. We can easily be deceived into thinking we have something to protect.

What is the sustenance (i.e. the “bread”) that God is calling you to cast upon the waters? Is it a vision that you are now running headlong with? Is it a status or a security that, after all these years, you have finally achieved? Or is it an anxiety that has been driving you to perform or achieve something in order to feel more significant or complete? Try casting these upon the waters of God’s life and see if you don’t feel a little freer. Let yourself be surprised at what comes back to you. Notice how the thing has been transformed in its return. It will certainly look different than when it was first in your hands.

Questions:

How does “casting your bread upon the waters” express faith that what you have has been given to you by God?

What do you feel when you try to overly covet life? What fears usually inspire this approach to life?

What areas of your life are you not sure that you can trust God about?

Prayer: Ask God to show you places in your life where you lose your freedom because of a fear that you need to protect something in your life. Pray for a trusting spirit that will gently hold all the things the Lord has given you.

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13. “All By Itself, It Grows!”

This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain–first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.

Mark 4:26-29

Where, and at what stage is your ministry? Or to use Jesus’ metaphor, what is the maturity of the grain in your soil? Perhaps the seed is still at the sprouting stage. You believe that you have a ministry but you don’t know what it is yet. Every now and then you feel definite promptings of love and joy that deeply move the desires of your heart. It could just be a wish, a dream, or a direction of how you would love to be applied in life. As you continue to nurture and care for that mysterious seed buried within you, visible stalks eventually appear above ground as you recognize opportunities in life to cultivate the seed further. It might be a person you meet who shares a similar vision, or an opening to volunteer with a group that is doing something in the general direction of your calling. Perhaps you feel led to take initiative in equipping yourself to serve better in this area.

As you continue discerning, not only from the promptings within you but now also from the formation that comes from the outside, your plant soon develops its head. You know with greater confidence who you are in life and you now move with a stronger sense of purpose towards intentional ministry. It’s a slow process that can’t be hurried any more than you can rush your geraniums into bloom.

And if your ministry should grow to the stage of producing a “full kernel in the head,” it will now have its own reproducing seed. God will use your ministry as a way of birthing something similar in another person. It’s an amazing process that is always taking place throughout the kingdom of God.

In all these mysteries of spiritual growth one thing is certain: we are all being applied in ministry by virtue of the salt and light that Jesus’ increasing Presence represents within us. Believe that kingdom ministry is taking place through you and you will certainly see it happening. We don’t look for, nor choose a ministry as though we didn’t have one. But, by being more attentive to the plant that God is growing within us, we discover the one we already have ……. first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head.

Questions:

What do you feel called, not necessarily to do, but to be in this world? Take time to consider this, and then ask yourself what stage the seed of this calling seems to be at according to this meditation.

Do you have faith that “whether you sleep or get up” this seed will grow and produce the fruit God has planted in you? Why is there anxiety or impatience in us at times about this?

What are some of the signs that our seed is becoming more defined, and that we are being called to make more intentional choices to nurture and care for it?

Prayer: Ask God to give you faith and joy regarding the “seed” of your life, whether you can see its fruit yet or not. Express your trust that God is doing a good work in your life.

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14. “Too Scattered to Pray”

Be clear-minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.

1 Peter 4:7

Praying doesn’t start when you sit down to pray. That’s the time you get to go deeper from wherever you are. But this question of the shifting state of “wherever you are” is important to our prayer experience. Our state of soul keeps fluctuating throughout the days and weeks and we need to be reminded that we have opportunity to steer it always in the general direction of prayer.

For centuries contemplatives have tried to pursue Paul’s instructions to “pray unceasingly” (1 Thes. 5:17). This of course can’t mean to be in constant dialogue, or monologue, with God every minute of the day. Unceasing prayer is to be understood more as a grace of spirit that pervades the day. It’s an ongoing openness and attentiveness to God’s action within us that gets cultivated throughout our lives. And according to Peter, in order to be prayerfully attentive we first need to be clear-minded. What does this imply for our day?

If we think of a water well whose surface is perfectly still we might get an idea of what Peter means. When the water surface is still and calm, you can sometimes see all the way to the bottom of the well. But if the water is being constantly stirred up or splashed around it’s hard to see anything beyond the surface.

Let’s not underestimate the effect a day’s agitations can have on our spirit of prayer, nor the opportunity we have to counter this by practicing stillness each day. As prayer becomes more and more central to our lives we will learn to interpret everything in terms of what contributes or detracts from it, and we will make life-style changes accordingly. We will apply self-control to our inner life for the sake of a better relationship to prayer.

If we seek such peace and learn to pursue it in our day, prayer will certainly be the natural expression of minds that are controlled by the tranquility of God.

In patience you shall possess your souls. To possess fully our souls is the effect of patience, made more perfect as it is less mixed with disquiet and eagerness.

—St. Frances de Sales

Questions:

What are some ways that you might practice the grace of spirit that will keep you more open and attentive to God’s action in your day?
What prevents you from being clear-minded in relationship to the spirit of prayer? What stirs up the well of your heart so that you can no longer see God’s movement there?
What life-style changes might contribute to less agitation in your spirit, “so that you can pray?”

Prayer: Ask the Lord to give you a growing love for prayer, and a desire to be in the proper state of mind and soul so that you can pray. Ask God to help you arrange your life in ways that are more conducive to a prayerful spirit.

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15. “Waiting to Receive”

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; whoever seeks finds; and to they who knock, the door will be opened.

Luke 11:7-8

Jesus’ words in Luke were given in response to the disciples asking Him how they should pray. Jesus here teaches us the disposition we should maintain while awaiting an answer to prayer. We have our role to play in this relationship, and so does God. And we need to learn how to make room for God’s part.

If we look at the grammar in this passage we see two sides of the prayer coin: the active and the passive parts. This is the gracious dance of faith that prayer leads us to.

Ask and it will be given to you. Is our disposition towards the things we ask for in prayer that of a person preparing to receive something, or is it more like someone expecting to get something? A “getting” posture is one that counts on prayer to achieve the outcome we desire. We already know what we want and we’re hoping that prayer will secure it for us. A “receiving” posture, on the other hand, doesn’t presume the shape our petition will take as God hands it back to us in the form of an answered prayer. It takes practice in prayer in order to learn how to receive freely from God, i.e. to allow something to be given to you.

Seek and you will find. We have images of God, of ourselves, and of life that we keep returning to for assurance. There is nothing really to “find” in this type of prayer. To seek means to look for something we don’t already have. It’s the prerequisite to the authentic experience of finding—more like a child discovering something brand new, something they would’ve never imagined existed. It takes faith in prayer to be open to finding things we weren’t necessarily expecting.

Knock and the door will be opened to you. Once again the same grammar applies. We can push doors open on our own, sometimes even producing the results we wanted. The satisfaction though is very different from that of knowing that a particular door has been opened for us by God. There is no greater security in spiritual direction than to know that the Lord is inviting you to walk through a door that He Himself has opened. It takes patience in prayer to wait in front of a closed door, giving God the freedom to open it or not.

Trusting God is the essence of prayer, and Jesus assumes that, given what we know of Him, this disposition should be so natural for us as to make the alternative laughable. That’s why He ends this teaching with the ridiculous notion of a son who would ask his father for a fish, only to get a snake instead (Luke 11:11-12). The son then asks for an egg, and his father gives him a scorpion. It’s ridiculous to think that a father would act this way towards his child. But is this what our fears and anxieties sometimes look like from God’s perspective? How does peace of mind, and confidence in His provisions, honour God’s care for us?

To wait until our prayers are answered before allowing ourselves to have peace is to miss out on Jesus’ great teaching here. Prayers are meant to produce peace in us, long before they are answered.

Questions:

What is the disposition that you usually wait for your prayers to be answered in?

How prepared are you to receive the answer to your prayers in a quite different form than you were imagining? Can you pray without necessarily imagining the outcome for yourself? Are you prepared to find something in God or in your spiritual life that you never imagined was possible?

What challenges do you feel in giving God the freedom to open the doors you’ve knocked on, or not?

Prayer: Ask the Holy Spirit to help you honour God with peace of mind and confidence in His provisions for your life. Ask God to show you ways that you can more graciously receive the things given to you, the things revealed to you, or the doors that are being opened for you.

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16. “When You’re Feeling Out of Joint”

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

Psalm 23:2-3

People go to chiropractors when they feel their bones are out of alignment. One disc out of joint sets the whole vertebrae into painful compensation. Luckily, the skilful hand of a chiropractor can tell what is out of line and can physically manipulate it back into place. With everything set in right order there is peace and proper functioning once again in the body.

As I come to prayer, I am often similarly aware that my spirit is out of sorts. I feel internally crippled, as though my soul was in some contorted state. Perhaps it has been battered by my emotions, or is in a spasm over a disturbing thought I have been obsessing about. Sometimes it is fear that causes my soul to close in on itself, tightening its grip and cutting off the circulation of the Spirit within me.

Like chiropractice, prayer is also a time for setting things in their right order. The shrivelled hand is restored to its original shape. That which is lame is made free to walk again. That which was blind can now see and what was deaf can once again hear. Only the Holy Spirit knows what my restored self looks like and, as I trust in God’s re-creative power, I am once again set in right order through prayer.

Before a chiropractor can manipulate your bones however you must first learn to relax. If you remain tense you can actually worsen your condition. Similarly with prayer, the Holy Spirit works according to the degree of trust we have. As we rest in God, there are times when we can actually feel the gentle manipulations of the Spirit working deep within our soul as slight adjustments are made, freeing up the movements of our spiritual life.

But, as anyone who goes unfortunately knows, a visit to a chiropractor is not a one-time event. No sooner do we step out of the clinic, refreshed and in proper alignment, do we start walking, bending, sitting according to all the bad habits that brought us there in the first place. It can be a costly and very temporary recovery program. Lucky for us though, as it applies to prayer, we have a great medical plan in heaven that allows us to return to the Great Physician as often as needed for restoration.

May wisdom teach us to not delay before seeing the Doctor at the first symptoms of spiritual contortion.

Questions:

What are some signs that tell you that your soul needs restoration? What causes such needs in you?

What are some ways that you either try to deal with these yourself or simply resign yourself to the mis-alignment you feel?

What would help you remember, as the meditation suggests, to come sooner to the “Great Physician” at the first symptoms of spiritual contortion?

Prayer: Make a choice to seek God the moment you begin to notice disorders in your thinking, behaviour or attitude. Present yourself to the Lord and ask Him to gently work out the “knots” in your system and to help restore you to a place of inner freedom.

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17. “Making Waves”

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass though the valley of Baca, they turn it into springs.

Psalm 84 :5-6

Geese know how to organize in a V-formation in order to give them optimum efficiency when flying in a group. An air turbulence is set up by the geese ahead which carries you further than the effort you are expending. Something similar seems to happen when you fly around those who have “set their hearts on pilgrimage,” i.e. those who are cultivating the pursuit of God in their lives. You find yourself being carried further than you ever could on your own.

To pursue God is to blaze a trail that gets deeply etched in life. But it is not just for ourselves that this path exists. Our individual journeys give courage and direction to those around us as well. Like a boat that sets its point forward through the water, there is a wake that forms, influencing the direction of things behind it.

When I was younger I had a small motor boat and would often go for short excursions on the St. Lawrence River. Big ships passed through the channel each day and, if I wanted to make better speed coming home, I could easily put myself in the wake of a cargo ship and be carried swiftly alongside it.

A person who has cultivated the discipline of prayer in their lives likewise has a life-turbulence around them that seems to encourage a similar direction in those who are near. Anyone with vitality in their prayer life naturally inspires those who sense similar possibilities for themselves. They remind those around them of what is also the deepest desire of their hearts. Love for God is contagious and it is something that is usually caught more than taught.

Isn’t this the way God always seems to work? Not only do we benefit from His Presence, but He ordains that there is a spillover effect whereby dry deserts turn into springs of life. As we are drawn to God, the Lord takes occasion, through us, to draw others as well.

Consider the people, both past and present, who have had this effect on you—those whose intimacy with God has reminded you of your own spiritual potential—and you will know the phenomena that the psalmist is describing here: as they pass through the valley of Baca, they turn it into springs.

Questions:

Who are the friends you feel are on a similar pilgrimage as you are? How would you define this particular fellowship? What benefits do these friends bring to your consistency with God?

Who are those, past or present, who through their own commitment to God, have drawn you deeper into your own spirituality? How did God inspire you to believe that what you saw in their lives, was also possible in yours?

How does your own commitment to seek God also benefit others? Who are those in whom you recognize the “wake” of your own influence? Who are those whom you wish could also be there with you?

Prayer: Thank the Lord for the “communion of saints” who are around you in your life. Be grateful for the many sermons, books, conversations or prayers you have had with others that have inspired your vision for the spiritual life. Express your desire that God would also encourage others through you as your own heart is increasingly “set on pilgrimage.”

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18. “Shopping for Pearls”

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

Matthew 13:44-46

It’s hard to find time to pray. And even when we do, it’s often a struggle to keep focused on seeking God rather than pursuing the many other interesting thoughts and tangents that come to mind. The discipline of prayer is certainly a forum where making good spiritual choices is a constant challenge. As one of my mentors, Dr. James Houston, once said, “Prayer is ultimately a battle of the will. The battle makes us choose what, in the end, we really want.”

This first parable tells us of man who stumbles upon a treasure and then takes steps to secure what he really wants. Likewise, when the merchant of the second parable finds a pearl of great price, he goes and sells all he has in order to purchase it. In both cases the assumption is that the person does not yet possess the desired item, but has to acquire it through an exchange of goods. He has to sell what he has in order to get what he would prefer having. To think of our prayer life in such consumerist terms can be helpful. Consider these three parallels:

The first would be to compare having read about prayer, and feeling excited about the possibility of acquiring such an experience for ourselves, with catalogue shopping. The items in a catalogue are meant to draw our attention to their selling features and to convince us to purchase them. At some point the catalogue has done as much as it can and it’s now up to us to choose whether we want this item for ourselves or not.

A second, more developed relationship to prayer might be compared to window-shopping, or browsing in a store. You can spend a lot of time examining a beautiful jacket that you’re considering purchasing. You can look at it from all angles, feel its material, perhaps even try it on for size. And you can come back the next day to do the same thing all over again. But as much as you admire the jacket, it will never be yours until you’ve actually bought it. You can’t take it out of the store until you’ve exchange goods for it.

And lastly, a third relationship to prayer might be compared to test-driving an expensive car. If we’ve had even minimal practice in the discipline of prayer, it’s likely that God has allowed us to experience some of the delights of spiritual experience first-hand. Like any salesman who believes in his product, it would be fair for God to assume that, having now sampled the goods, we will quickly empty our wallets to secure this wonderful item for ourselves.

It would be an odd parable wouldn’t it, if Jesus had spoken of a man who found a pearl of great value but, though excited and intent on buying it, got distracted on his way to the bank by a piece of granite on the side of the road. And yet wouldn’t this be an apt description of the way we often stray from our spiritual goals?

What keeps us on track? In this parable, Jesus tells us that it is joy for our goal that directs us. It’s what kept the merchant focused on his intentions—in his joy, he went and sold all he had. Because of the joy we have experienced in His Presence, Jesus expects us to make it a priority to sell all we have in order to procure this precious pearl. It is surely worth more than anything else we could ever desire.

Questions:

Do you see the thoughts and distractions that happen in your prayer time as choices that you have made? How does God use this ambivalence in us to purify “what, in the end, we really want?”

Using the three “consumerist” examples, where would you situate your own relationship to your desire for prayer? How does this tendency show up in your response to the spiritual life?

What “goods” must we exchange in order to secure the precious pearl that we have seen? What helps you to keep your desires for the spiritual life at the forefront of your thinking?

Prayer: Meditate on the joy that is calling you forward in Christ. Ask the Holy Spirit to help keep your deepest desire for union with God at the forefront of all that you do. Ask yourself what distracts you from this joy and pray that God would help you choose the better way.

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19. “Straightening the Crooked Timber”

Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Matthew 6:10

This petition is certainly the underlying prayer of the contemplative life. Thy will be done….and let it begin with me. When everyone on earth reflects this prayer we will live as a multitude of perfectly orchestrated expressions of God, in other words, heaven on earth. I suspect there is an inner sense in us that already knows that such a day is not only possible, but the inevitable solution to all that is wrong with life.

As we pursue God through prayer, a spiritual intuition is at work in us that desires, above all things, to find and follow the immediate will of God. We sense a distortion in our lives that confuses our personalities, our direction, and the effect we have on others. We recognize the dubious nature of the choices we make and how they contribute to the disarray around us. And something in us suspects that the solution to this discrepancy lies in a more perfect obedience to the will of God.

The fact that Jesus put these words in our mouths is proof enough that “what is” is not “what should be.” That we pray for God’s will to be done on earth is an acknowledgment that we recognize a re-alignment is necessary in order for us to become what heaven truly has in mind.

But Jesus isn’t telling us to get to work correcting this problem. That would be an impossible task. As T.S. Eliot put it, “Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.” Instead, the Lord offers us a remedy in the form of a prayer that looks to God for both personal and social transformation. These eleven words recognize that such restoration can only come from above.

To be willing to submit to a Way that is higher than ours is what is implied in the petition, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” And the request that this prayer expresses is what is most required of us in order for it to be fulfilled—the sincere longing that it be so in our own lives.

Questions:

Consider what your unique personality would be like if you followed every inclination of God’s will that moves you. What desire does this produce in you? Are there other responses that you feel in considering this?

What are some of the distortions you can identify in your own life that “confuses our personalities, our direction, and the effect we have on others?” How do you feel about this?

How is the sincere longing for God’s realignment of our wills enough to give us hope that change will occur?

Prayer: Read the beginning verses of Psalm 119. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a genuine love and desire for God’s will in your life. Ask Jesus to help you to not assume responsibility for straightening out the “crooked timber of your humanity” but to look to “Our Father in heaven” to answer the desire of this prayer.

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20. “Digging Holes For God To Fill”

Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me.

Psalm 42:7

Do you remember being at the beach as a child, digging a hole in the sand and then watching it fill up with water? Because the water table is so high you don’t have to dig very deep before it comes pouring in. But soon after, mud starts falling in from the edges, fills the hole, and once again you have to dig out new space for the water. When I remember this I can’t help but feel there’s something very similar happening in my spiritual life. It also helps me understand the relationship between my spiritual disciplines and the infilling of God’s spirit.

The contemplative life, in a very basic sense, is a matter of creating holes in anticipation of God filling them. There are lots of ways we can dig holes in our lives: fasting, prayer, silence, humility, tithing, submission, etc. These disciplines create space within us. But as our childhood experience teaches us, it doesn’t take very long for the ocean to fill a hole that is dug close to the shore. We know how the contours of our lives, like sand falling in from the edges, soon begin filling up the hole again. That’s why it takes ongoing spiritual disciplines to keep space open for God.

As Deep calls to deep we are led to what is most profound within us. To be a spiritual person is to learn to live deeply. The very word profound is a composite of the Latin for pro, meaning “toward,” and fundere, which means “bottom.” The word that contrasts with this depth of life is the word superficial, which means to be “above the face,” to remain on the sur-face of things. Being shallow is a concept that can easily apply to our spiritual life at times.

But God wants better for us. He calls us to live deeply. And prayer is the prescribed exercise for finding and remaining in the place that is most profound within us. As we discover the depth of wisdom and truth that lies in each of us, Psalm 42 testifies to the experience of God’s infilling Spirit rising up, like Living Waters, within us. All your waves and breakers have swept over me. Let us dig deep holes and, in faith, live lives where being “swept over by God” might often be our experience as well.

Questions:

What, in your experience, produces space in your life for God to fill? What other things can fill in those spaces so that God seems pushed out?

What are some of the disciplines you have built into your life to keep these spaces available to God? What are some new ones that God might be calling you to set up in your life?

How would you describe your “profound” self? Your “superficial” self?

Prayer: Talk with God about God’s desire that you would live a deeply profound life. Ask for insight into the relationship of prayer to the “inner space” required for this. Pray that the Holy Spirit will sustain the desire you feel for a profound spiritual life.

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21. “Grace, Welling Up Within Us”

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.

John 7:38

In her wonderful booklet, The Prayer Life as a Garden, St. Teresa of Avila speaks of four stages of prayer. These are not necessarily progressive steps, nor are they experiences that everyone who prays will recognize as consistent with theirs. But they are helpful markers of a direction that Jesus promised would well up in all those who enter and pursue God’s stream of life.

Teresa calls us to be good gardeners of our lives who, with the help of God, must see that our spiritual plants grow. “We should water them carefully,” she writes, “so that they will not die, but rather produce blossoms.” Teresa describes four ways by which our garden can be watered, beginning with the most labourious, and ending with the most effortless

The first way she compares to simply drawing water in a bucket from a well. This refers to the effort of being disciplined in prayer, returning to it often, and drawing what we can from meditating on thoughts of God. She says that “working with the understanding then, is like drawing water out of the well.” This form prayer she calls meditation.

The second way of prayer is like a water wheel which draws the water up from the well for you. You arrive at the well to find a bucket, already full of water. This, Teresa compares to the prayer of contemplation, which “now touches on things that are divine, which it could never do by any effort of its own.” It is a time when grace freely reveals itself to the soul. Our wills have somehow become subject to God’s will. We now merely consent to being captured by the love of God. Teresa writes,

Everything that takes place now in this state brings the very greatest consolation. The labour is so light that prayer, even if persevered in for some time, is never wearisome. The reason is that the understanding is now working very gently and is drawing much more water than it drew out of the well.

In this mode, the soul dares not move nor stir for fear that the blessing it is receiving would then disappear from its hands. Teresa stresses that “it is very important that the soul which reaches this stage realize the great dignity of its position and the great favour that the Lord has bestowed upon it.” The soul, through this experience, becomes aware of a love it has for God that is much less self-interested. It now desires to find solitude more often in order to enjoy that good love all the more.

Teresa then describes a third way of prayer which is like finding streams in your garden that only require being directed towards the flowers. The soil is now more thoroughly saturated and there is no necessity to water it as often. The labour of the gardener is simply that of directing the stream that flows constantly into its garden, towards the flowers. In this state of prayer there is less distinction between our work and God’s work within us. We assume more readily that the life welling up within us is, in fact, the Holy Spirit. It is contemplation in action. Our will is active, but mostly in consenting to the action of God within us. If the second way of praying was more characteristic of Mary, sitting without stirring at Jesus’ feet, this third way Teresa likens to also include the active nature of Martha. “The soul is living both the active and the contemplative life at the same time.” It is active in the world and yet understands that “the best part of the soul is somewhere else.”

Finally, the fourth way of prayer is when you find that it is raining all around you. The garden is being watered all by itself and there is nothing left for you to do. This is the effortless perfection of receiving our lives completely from the hand of God. The heavenly water “flows to our very depths and spreads within us.” In terminology that we can only imagine, Teresa refers to this experience as “the soul entering within itself.” This is the Mystical Union with God that so many saints have spoken of.

People who often pray will likely recognize elements of each of Teresa’s four stages in their prayer experience. For those who are just being introduced to the fruit of prayer, Teresa’s words will hopefully excite your heart and help identify a real passion that exists within you for love and intimacy with God. Either way, it is wonderful to have spiritual ancestors like Teresa who write from an experience that confirms the heart’s instinct and desire for union with God. Whoever believes…streams of living water will flow from within. Let us be encouraged to seek growth in the knowledge of God so freely offered, in Jesus’ words, to “whoever believes.”

Questions:

Which of the ways that Teresa describes for watering our garden seems most familiar to your present experience of the spiritual life?

What is your experience of grace, freely revealing itself to your soul? How do you respond to God in these times?

From your present experience of God, which of these four experiences of “drawing water” would you desire to grow in?

Prayer: Ask God to show you, in the metaphors that Teresa lists, how to understand the movements of your own prayer life. Talk with God about the desires you feel when you read about some of the other ways that people have experienced God.

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22. “Fear of Falling”

For in him, we live, move and have our being.

Acts 17:28

I had a strange dream once. I’m not usually inclined to fantasy in my dreams but this one certainly had all the elements of a Twilight Zone episode. The fact that this dream created such a change of perception in my life tells me that it was probably a “Word of God”—the type that doesn’t come back empty but accomplishes what the Lord sent it out to do.

In the dream I had somehow ended up in the middle of outer space, suspended on a cube-shaped scaffold. All around me, in every direction as far as could be imagined, there was nothing but infinity. The scaffold was the only thing I had to hold on to. As I was trying to come to terms with my predicament, I suddenly became aware of a large hand materializing out of nowhere. With thumb and finger it began pulling at one of the bars of the scaffold. I somehow knew that this hand belonged to God and I immediately protested, “Why are you doing this?” The hand ignored me and then disappeared, taking with it one of the supporting bars of the cube. My state of affairs was now even more precarious than before. After the initial shock had subsided, having no other choice, I accepted my loss and went back to contemplating my options.

It wasn’t long before the hand reappeared and started pulling once again at another bar. Again I went through all the motions of shock and protest, as well as the confusion of why God was doing this. But the hand continued its merciless work of dismantling the structure that was keeping me afloat. This same exercise repeated itself again and again until finally, I was left with one remaining bar—the only thing keeping me from falling into the deep abyss below. And once more, to my horror, the hand reappeared.

I remember pleading with God, explaining how I will fall if He removes this last bar (as though He didn’t understand my predicament). But my cries went unheeded as the hand reached out to remove the last remaining bar. I braced myself for whatever would happen next as I felt the bar slowly being pulled out from the tight grip of my hands.

Somehow I still had faith that God would not let me fall, but how? Would He quickly reach underneath to rescue me? Would He offer me His own hand to hold onto? Or would He create another scaffold below me to land on? I waited, bracing myself for whatever might follow. But nothing happened. To my surprise, I didn’t fall. I was still floating in open space, in the same place where the scaffold had been. My belief that the structure was what had been keeping me afloat turned out to be an illusion. And all my fears, as well as the emotional investment the scaffold represented to me, were for nothing. Sound familiar?

This was a dream that challenged me to take stock of all the other scaffolds in my life that I presumed to be supporting me. It was also a call for me to start exercising more faith in the free-fall of life. It taught me that, as long as I am holding on to my self-made securities, I will never recognize the security of the God who is actually sustaining me.

In Him, we live, move and have our being. The contemplative life invites us to let go of our self-made constructs in order to discover God, the One who actually sustains us.

Questions:

This meditation suggests that the securities we set up for ourselves might prevent us from experiencing God’s own provisions in our lives. How do you relate to this thought?

What are some of the “bars” that make you feel secure on your scaffold? How do you respond to the thought of losing or letting go some of these?

What might be the faith alternative to some of our own fear-rooted prayers?

Prayer: Begin by confessing your fears to God, who certainly understands our need for security. Ask the Lord to teach you other ways of relating to the things you fear. Praise God by expressing your trust in His love and care for you.

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23. “It’s All in the Name”

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

Genesis 2:19

This passage reveals how honoured we are in the relationship God chooses to form with us. It shows us how our Father delights and is keenly interested in how we respond to His creation. When we read that the Lord brought the animals to Adam in order “to see what he would name them,” it implies a certain amount of uncertainty that we don’t usually ascribe to God. He is curious about how we will respond, and He looks to us to put the final label on what He has created. Perhaps this delight is the same as that of a father giving a kitten to his child and waiting to see what she will call it.

To name something, of course, is more than simply giving it a label. It expresses a relationship or an impression we have of something. It is how we respond to the thing before us.

If God leaves the final interpretation of His creation up to us, how does this apply to the various circumstances He brings before our lives? What are the “names” we give to these circumstances? Fearful? Opportunity? Good? Bad? Punishment? Reward? Success? Failure? A test? A blessing? And how does the “name” we give contribute to how we experience them? “Whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.”

The naming of things is one of the noble privileges God has given us, but it can also be a two-edged sword if we’re not careful with the names we choose. What we call something will determine the relationship we form with it. Jesus once told His disciples “what is bound on earth is bound in heaven.” We need to be careful to not be too hasty in choosing names.

Questions:

What are some times that you remember when you had “named” something in your circumstances wrongly? What happens when you misinterpret what is happening in your life?

What type of names do we put to the various relationships in our lives? Are they always helpful?

How can we change the name of something when we suspect that we have mis-labeled it?

Prayer: Consider the ways and the reasons you have “named” various circumstances or relationships in your life. Ask God to show you where you might have to reconsider the label you have chosen. Then, from the mystery of “not knowing,” ask the Lord for wisdom in choosing a new name for this, hopefully the same name that God would choose.

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24. “Things Aren’t What They Seem”

The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: “God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.” But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said: “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God

Luke 18:11-14

You can’t tell a book by its cover, and sometimes even its content can deceive us. According to this parable, our inner feelings about our status with God are not always the best judge of where we stand. How often, in the paradox of spiritual life, might our sense of distance from God actually indicate our closeness to Him? And how might our feelings of self-satisfaction with our spiritual life actually be an indicator of a tepid spirit?

The Pharisee thought himself to be in a state of consolation. He was enjoying a wonderful sense of well-being with regards to his relationship with God. In his mind all things were as they should be. He stood confidently before the Lord, giving thanks for the abundant blessings of his life.

Acknowledging God’s grace is of course the great antidote to the sense of self-accomplishment that so often tempts a blessed life. No danger of that faux-pas for this saint. The Pharisee acknowledged his good fortune, and didn’t hesitate to give all the glory back to God. He felt satisfied, highlighting the obvious evidence of his gratitude—his regular disciplines of fasting and tithing. You can just hear the beginning words of the hymn forming on his lips, “It is well, it is well with my soul.”

The tax collector, on the other hand, stood at a distance. Not only physically, but also in his sense of relationship to God. Ignatius of Loyola, in his Spiritual Exercises, describes the state of desolation as that of feeling separated from our Creator. The Lord allows such experiences at times in order to purify our love, our faith and our desires. Standing near the real Presence of God has always led saints to a sober awareness of their relative unworthiness.

In Jesus’ parable, the Pharisee was the one who was blind to the truth. He presumed God’s favour and was immune from correction. Though he felt accomplished in his spiritual life, this sense of well-being was unfortunately an illusion—the fabrication of his own imagination—and not a true consolation from God.

The tax collector, humble and contrite, could not even imagine himself in relationship to heaven. He felt alienated from God. It was all he could do to muster the faith to set foot in His house. “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God.”

How important are our own judgments of our spiritual state? Jesus teaches us to be wary of self-justification. You can’t always judge where you’re at with God simply by how you feel. This is the paradox of heaven.

Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.

Isaiah 40:4

Questions:

How much do you depend on your feelings to assess your own status with God? How can these deceive us?
Imagine yourself as the Pharisee, confident of his standing with God, but wrong. Then imagine yourself as the tax collector, who also assumes a wrong status with God. Is it difficult for you to accept that, unless God reveals it to you, you don’t really how you stand?
What disposition can we walk in that would avoid the two errors or self-justification or self-condemnation?

Prayer: “As God judges us, so we are.” Considering this fact, ask the Lord to help you remain as a child with regards to second-guessing God’s judgment. Pray for a spirit of peace in the midst of not knowing.

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25. “The Place Where We Meet”

Love and faithfulness meet together;

righteousness and peace kiss each other.

Faithfulness springs forth from the earth,

and righteousness looks down from heaven.

Psalm 85:10-11

Psalm 85 offers a beautiful image of the intimacy of spiritual relationship that is possible between ourselves and the Lord. We see that our spiritual life is not a matter of propelling ourselves willfully towards God. Nor is the objective to passively wait for the Lord to channel His spirit through us. The psalmist tells us plainly that the ideal of spiritual life is a “meeting together” of two wills, joined in the beautiful freedom of an embrace. These two wills are personified as love and faithfulness. Like good lovers, they always meet each other half-way.

In these verses, God is also identified as righteousness. As we embrace righteousness, the result is peace. The psalmist likens it to a kiss—the gentle, intimacy of lovers. It is an expression, at its exquisite best, of two parties, each acting freely, as both giver and receiver.

We are told that this spiritual embrace is a longed-for event that is anticipated by heaven. Righteousness, looking down, searches for evidence of faithfulness springing forth, as God, like a father, runs to embrace His approaching son or daughter. What a joy it is that our faithfulness causes such delight in God.

Questions:

What are some examples that you recognize in your own life where “faithfulness springs forth” to meet God’s love?

In what ways are you and God both givers and receivers?

How do you “embrace” righteousness? What delight comes to your heart as you imagine God searching and finding evidence of faithfulness in your life?

Prayer: Speak to our Father about your desire to bring delight to God’s heart. Offer your faithfulness as a “meeting place” for God’s love to be with you. Give thanks for such a tender relationship that is yours to enjoy.

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26. “Trying to See in the Dark”

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.

John 17:15-19

Most spiritually-minded people living in the city are probably like me—a bit of a hybrid. There’s a part of me that is deeply rooted in a timeless spirituality, while another part seems so much a product of this world. Being an enigma is one of the hazards of trying to live the spiritual life with a foot in two worlds. It splits you down the middle if you forget which side you come from.

As we read Jesus’ words we are reminded once again of the mystery of our new origin. He sees us as in the world, but not of it. We come from somewhere else. It would make sense that only those who are “not of the world” can ever be “sent” to it. But it’s a real challenge to keep that distinction in focus.

Let’s not underestimate the forces that work against living a spiritual life in the city. Far easier to be in a monastery, on a retreat, or alone in the middle of creation. One of the reasons the early monks set out to live in the desert was to flee the confusion of the city. If the cities of the third century were too distracting for their spiritual focus what would they would make of our present-day treadmill?

Our contemporary life places unique demands on us, most of which have little to do with our spiritual needs. The way we plan our day, the environment in which we raise our children, the things we do in order to stay afloat in the city, all call for a different application of life than any of us would likely choose for ourselves. And the result is that we often feel disoriented, with a particular weariness that quenches our spiritual vitality. It can feel like you’re only holding onto faith by a thread.

Being in the world is certainly a challenge. But this is where we belong, even if it goes against the grain of being a spiritual person. The Lord has placed us here, in a world where His light is easily obscured. And for the sake of those around us it’s important that we learn how to keep our torches lit.

How do we do this? How do we remain credible as spiritual men and women? What boundaries are needed between us and the seemingly endless demands of contemporary life? What type of rule do we need in our lives to ensure that we are not being tossed to and fro by every wave of life-option?

Even in their times, Augustine, Benedict, Bernard and Francis recognized the necessity of having a “rule of life” in order to remain rooted in God. Whether living the cloistered life, or that of a free mendicant, a rule of life was seen as essential to prevent waywardness or dissipation of the soul. What about us? What would such a rule of life look like? What template would you provide for your day, your week or your year that would ensure you don’t stray from your spiritual calling and formation?

These are important questions to ask ourselves. As a community of faith committed to spiritual growth we need to consider our way of life in order to remain fruitful in our goals—to protect God’s investment in us, and to ensure our faithful response to the things He has already shown us.

The world needs contemplatives deep within the fabric of its cities, not only on the outskirts of its walls. It is the Lord who has called us here, and there is surely special grace given to those who pursue God in the confusion of urban life. Let us learn to do this well. And let us be careful to not lose the distinction between being in the world, and of it. This was Jesus’ prayer for us.

The world is now in dire need of a living witness of faith issuing from a soul that has a true relationship with God. Such a witness out-weighs and outshines a thousand books on doctrine, faith, or prayer.

—Matthew the Poor

Questions:

What are some of the constraints you feel living a spiritual life while also trying to meet the demands of this world? How do these demands disorient you from God? What spiritual life would you imagine for yourself if you had no other restrictions?
How has our new birth, in a sense, “ruined” us for this world? How do you see yourself sent to this world as though from some other vantage point?
What helps you to keep your own torch lit in an environment that always threatens to extinguish it? How would you define your own “rule of life” at present? What adjustments in your life would be needed to help you maintain your “spiritual identity?”

Prayer: Ask the Lord to make clear to you the boundaries that you should keep with the world. Ask for wisdom and grace in the ways you love this world so that you can enjoy the temporal life without losing yourself in it.

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27. “Knowing When You Need Help”

. . . He restores my soul.

Psalm 23:3

A farmer can’t make a plant increase in size any more than a mother can cause her baby to grow. But both can contribute to an environment where growth is likely. Progress in the spiritual life, as well, is natural when an environment conducive for growth is present. There is no need to push forward in your faith, nor to pull yourself up by the bootstraps if you are in a healthy state of soul. Growth comes as naturally then as it does for a healthy baby.

The call to prayer is a God-given invitation for our souls to come and be restored to a condition that is optimum for spiritual growth. We experience the greatest sense of joy and fulfillment when we are in such a state of health. But there are many times in life when we are not thriving as we could. In the course of our days and weeks, our souls sometimes become ill, contaminated by deception, disappointment or fear. We lose our appetites, or we feel spiritually nauseous from something unhealthy that our hearts have ingested. Like all things in life, our spiritual health frequently needs to be restored before growth can continue.

One of the best prescriptions for someone who is ill is to simply rest—to allow the body time to re-gather its strength. For some sicknesses, fasting is also a natural remedy. The body instinctively knows that it doesn’t want to eat, but needs to focus its energies on what ails. The inclination to withdraw and to sequester, which is so natural to the body, is also an instinct of the soul. Whenever it is in need of healing, our soul naturally desires to withdraw to a quiet place where it will not be taxed by any concerns other than its own restoration. We have all felt the need for such remedy at times.

To come to God often for the restoration of our spirits is simply good health care. It keeps us fresh, and in the optimum state for continuing growth. To recognize when you are ailing, and to be wise in doing something about it, will automatically bear good fruit in your life. As we are attentive to keeping our spirits restored, the progress of our souls will be the natural outcome.

Questions:

What environments have you found to be ideal for your own spiritual growth? How would you describe your state of soul when you are thriving in these environments?

What are some of the signs that tell you that your soul needs restoration? What, if anything, do you usually do about this?

How can you give your soul time and space to catch up with itself?

Prayer: Ask the Lord to make the care and maintenance of your soul a priority in your life. Ask for an obedient spirit so that when you hear Jesus say, “Come away with me,” you will not hesitate to respond. Thank the Lord that restoration, in time, is so easily available to us as we seek it.

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28. “Beholding the Glory of God”

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Hosts. The whole earth is full of your glory

Isaiah 6:3

These are the words Isaiah heard being prayed before the throne of God. It is a prayer recognizing that all of creation is filled with God’s glorious Presence. And it is to the praise of this truth that a growing spiritual life inevitably leads us. With eyes wide-opened to the face of God, the automatic response of our souls will one day be in awe at the evidence of the Lord’s Presence, reflected in everything we see. The veil will be lifted. We will recognize the glory that has previously been hidden from view. And hearts, made pure by the grace of Christ, will see God as He is. This is the inevitable destination of our long spiritual journey. It’s good to keep this in mind in the context of our day-to-day lives.

Most of our pursuit of God is naturally rooted in our temporal concerns. Where am I going? What should I do? How do I get this, or avoid that in my life? But even on earth, people who practice prayer notice a significant shift in focus that matures in them. The ultimate question changes from ‘where is God in my life?’ to ‘where am I in God’s life?’ It is this shift in emphasis that prepares us for the glory of eternal prayer.

Matthew the Poor writes in his Orthodox Prayer Life,

If we restrict prayer to the satisfaction of our needs and demands, or to responding to our pleas in this life, it loses its essential greatness. Through hallowing the name of God, paying homage to him, thanking and honouring him with pure praise, a person is transformed into a spiritual being. They thus join the heavenly host in their transcendent ministry.

Referring to this Isaiah passage he adds, “in its truest essence, prayer is a communion with the heavenly host in praising their Creator.”

God certainly invites us to seek and find Him in our day-to-day experience. Signs of His participation in our lives are necessary assurances in our pilgrimage. But ultimately, it is the act of recognizing eternity in this life that joins us to heaven’s praise. Every time our hearts are lifted in recognition of God’s Presence we participate with the song sung by the already existing choirs of heaven. Some day soon we too will join them in full awareness of the Lord’s majesty. We will be captivated by the beauty and glory of God that fills heaven and earth. And with senses wide-opened, our souls will respond with the only words appropriate to such an experience: “Holy, holy, holy….”

Questions:

Can you imagine the day when “we will recognize the glory of God that has previously been hidden from view?” How would you describe the feelings that your heart experiences in imagining this?

How do you relate to Matthew the Poor’s suggestion that the recognition of God in praise is what ultimately makes us a “spiritual being?”

How might we keep this vision of the spiritual life in mind as we live our day-to-day lives?

Prayer: Consider the praise that God enjoys from those who recognize the Lord’s hand in all things. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your heart and eyes so that you can join the chorus of those who recognize God in all things.

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29. “I Am With You”

So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you.

Exodus 3:10-12

On the occasion of his conversion, it is said that St. Francis of Assisi wrestled all night in prayer with two simple questions: “who am I,” and “who are You?” The answer he received to these questions dramatically altered his perspective and caused him to fearlessly commit the rest of his life to the God to whom he had prayed.

Moses as well, asks an important “who am I” question. The Lord has called him to a task and Moses’ immediate response is one of questioning the wisdom of God’s choice. There is an apparent disagreement between God and Moses as to who Moses really is. But the Lord’s answer to Moses’ question is an unexpected one.

If someone came to me with self-doubt my immediate response might be to assume they needed affirmation. I would consider ways to bolster their confidence with regards to the task ahead. But God takes a different tack with Moses. To the question “who am I?,” the Lord responds with an oblique statement that seems to bypass Moses’ query. “I will be with you.”

How often do we feel similar self-doubts in our lives? Who am I that I should be in such a ministry? Who am I that I should presume the love of my brothers and sisters? Who am I to think that God has purpose for me? There are many ways that we could go about assuring ourselves, or one another, in the face of such doubts. You can do it. You’ve got what it takes. It’ll all work out somehow. But God’s word to us here seems quite different from the usual assurances we think we need. He simply states a fact of life that is meant to overarch all our doubts and fears: “I am with you.” This, the Lord assumes, is all the information we need to muster the courage to obey.

It is good to consider in our own lives how God’s assurance that “I am with you” represents the answer to all our “who am I?” questions. The Lord seems to think that this reply should be sufficient for our needs—that it will make a world of difference to your identity, your vocation, your future, your past, to be simply reminded that He is surely with you.

Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Matthew 28:20

Questions:

What type of affirmations do you feel you still need from God before you can be who you are, or do what you feel God has called you to do?
How does God’s assurance of walking with you in all aspects of your life make a difference to the questions you have regarding your identity? Your vocation? Your future? Your past?
Is this sufficient enough information to give you the “courage to obey?” If not, why?

Prayer: Confess the areas in your life where you feel hesitant in your response to the Lord. Ask God for a deep understanding of your fears and for faith to believe that the Lord’s presence in your life is sufficient to counter these.

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30. “Hungry for More”

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

A lot of what Jesus had to say about the kingdom of heaven had to do with how things prosper and bear good fruit because of their proximity to God. To be close to Jesus, the true vine, is synonymous with growth, and conversely, spiritual growth in our lives is a sign that we are living in the realm of God’s kingdom.

It is possible however to stop growing in our faith. We find ourselves on a plateau of spirituality, assuming that the depth of relationship we have experienced with God thus far is all that the Christian life has to offer. But thankfully, the Lord has made this conclusion an uncomfortable one for us. More often than not we feel restless in our spirits as we pine for an experience of spiritual life that is greater than the one we presently have. And the very fact that we hunger for more is evidence of the Spirit’s activity within us.

Before a next stage of growth occurs, God often instills a deep desire for change in us. This sets up a momentum for growth that continues to thrive long after the initial spurt. Many saints have identified how desire for God leads not only to satisfaction, but often to an even greater experience of desire. Hungering and thirsting then are signs of a deepening relationship with God. They represent the outreach of the soul for its next stage of maturity. To simply have this desire for growth is to participate with divinity.

Julian of Norwich, a 14th-century mystic, once received a word from the Lord that helped identify this relationship to the God-granted desire within her. In one of her many “showings,” the Lord revealed Himself to Julian saying, “I am the ground of thy beseeching. If I caused you to beseech, will I not also grant you the object of your beseeching?”

The desire by which Julian was led to seek God was also the evidence that the object of her desire was within reach. God caused her to long for union with Him, and this longing itself was the God-given assurance that her desire would inevitably be fulfilled.

Questions:

1. In what ways does the desire for union with God usually express itself in your heart?

2. This meditation suggests that a dissatisfaction with your spiritual life can actually be a gift from God. What other less positive ways might we respond to our dissatisfactions with the spiritual life?

3. Why do spiritual hunger and thirst represent signs of a growing relationship with God? How might the lack of such desires be seen as signs of an unhealthy state of soul?

Prayer: Our deep longings, far from revealing inadequacy, can be welcomed as precious gifts, tokens of what is to come in their satisfaction. Give thanks to God for whatever desires you presently feel for the spiritual life, and reflect on how God has placed these within you in order to cause you to seek Him.

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31. “Attached to God”

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. Psalm 42:1-2

We are, by nature, desiring beings. We can’t help it. And though our attachments to our desires often work against us, they can also serve God’s purposes in leading us towards union with Him. We are used to thinking of attachment, especially in its extreme forms of addiction, in negative terms. But there is also a positive form of attachment where similar features of craving as well as the discomfort of withdrawal can actually work in us for the good of the soul.

As easy as it is to become addicted to external stimulants we can also be addicted to our inner moods and dispositions—depression, shyness, fear, anger, cynicism. As we habitually favour these responses to life, our psychology and our physiology naturally default to them in a given situation. This is the negative side of our inner attachments. But this same principle of habituation to a particular inner state can also apply to our being “attached” to positive behaviours.

People who regularly practice prayer, for instance, find that their mind, body and soul become more and more identified with this inner state of spirit. It becomes a “mood” that they come to expect as a norm in their lives. Once the state of prayer becomes established as a norm we also begin to recognize symptoms of withdrawal—a longing, or craving to return to what is familiar—if we depart from that norm for too long. Our physiology will register discomfort whenever our prayerful inner state has been neglected for a longer than usual period. Of course, if we continue to remain absent from a regular prayer pattern it will eventually establish a new norm for us—one that presumes that prayer is the foreign state rather than the normal one.

The more we understand the principle of habituation the more we can apply it positively to our lives. We can intentionally choose to habituate ourselves to whatever we consider beneficial. It takes time and intentionality but, once our physiology gets over the initial resistance to a new behaviour, it will eventually habituate to it as a new norm. Once It does, it will not only anticipate the new disposition each day, but will even crave it when it is absent. Our physiology will then serve to help us stay on track by alerting us, through the uncomfortable symptoms of withdrawal, whenever we neglect the new habit that we’ve established.

In a nutshell, we are attached to whatever makes things normal for us. The longer a norm continues, the more things will become associated with it and the more rooted it will become in our lives. We can apply this principle positively to whatever we deem beneficial as we seek to become more and more habituated to the norms of a spiritual life.

Questions:

1. How is your spiritual life sometimes hindered by habitual behaviour that leads you away from love, peace and the presence of God?

2. What are some of the signs that your life “craves” for God? What are some of the “withdrawal symptoms” that would indicate to you that your life is drifting away from God?

3. What would help you to become more attached, through habituation, to the state of prayer as a norm for your life?

Prayer: Consider the state of soul you wish to see established in your life. Ask God to help you be more consistent in seeking and establishing this state as a new norm for your life. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

32. “The Short Life of Discouragement”

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Heb. 10:36

Perhaps the spiritual life is like rocket science after all. Its goals are just as far-reaching and, with every failed attempt, the reasons for quitting seem just as compelling. If you’ve ever seen the movie October Sky you’ll remember the homemade rockets that, for a few seconds, carried the hopes of being propelled all the way to outer space only to peter out and fizzle a few hundred meters off the ground. Sound familiar? What is it that motivated rocket scientists to persevere in spite of so many setbacks if it wasn’t the certain faith that, one way or another, outer space was within reach. How many times must we too go back to the drawing board before we see the results we hope for in our spiritual life?

A new insight often grips us with fresh motivation and a commitment to aspire to what it indicates possible. We suddenly find it easy to envision change and, with that fresh wind, we feel the incentive to try new ways or to adopt new practices. Perhaps we’ve read Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God. We’ve tasted something of how simple the spiritual life can be, and it has inspired us to cultivate such attentiveness in our day. Or perhaps, in a sudden epiphany, we’ve come to recognize once again how every person is uniquely loved by God, and we immediately want to start including that insight in all our encounters. Maybe we’ve come to a deeper appreciation of prayer, of its essential relationship to progress in the spiritual life, and we feel a renewed dedication to making more time for it in our week.

In these and many other initiatives we usually begin strong as we zealously set out in the direction of transformation. Visionary courage becomes the fuel that puts our faith into motion. And, with our rocket launched, we watch with hope as it reaches out towards its goals. But what happens once the immediate enthusiasm has gone, when our rocket peters out and lands unceremoniously back on the ground?

Discouragement (lit. loss of heart) is the fizzling of visionary courage that first accompanied our resolve. Rather than staying the course and keeping to our inspired path, we feel frustrated by our apparent failure and are tempted to give up. How we respond to this experience determines much of our future course. Perhaps we feel more hesitant to ever make such resolutions again lest we risk failure. Or perhaps we begin to rationalize our setback in a way that makes genuine enthusiasm less possible. “I guess I’m not cut out for this.” “Surely this practice is not necessary for everyone.” “Maybe I was being too idealistic.” “Others have more time for this stuff than God can expect from me.”

But what if the experience of frustration, far from being grounds for quitting, were actually an essential part of the journey. What greater distance could we travel if our first resolve was to never let go of our initial hopes? Discouragement would then be just a temporary but necessary state that we only have to bear with until the next updraft.

Experience teaches us that if we hold on to our first hope, courage will likely return and once again fuel our faith into action. Like rocket science, perseverance will pay off and, sooner or later, our spiritual hopes will break free from the forces of gravity that keep them earthbound.

We must not break the strings nor throw out the lute when we find a discord; we must bend our ear to find where the disorder comes from, and then gently tighten or relax the string as required.

-St. Frances de Sales

Questions:

1. How do you respond to spiritual discouragements in your life? How long does it take you to get back on track again? What helps?

2. What helps you sustain your vision for the spiritual life after the initial enthusiasm is gone?

3. Which of the responses to discouragement in paragraph 4 do you most relate to? Do you “feel more hesitant to ever make such resolutions again lest you risk failure?” Do you “rationalize your setback in a way that makes genuine enthusiasm less possible?” Other responses?

Prayer: Consider a recent burst of enthusiasm you’ve had for the spiritual life. What stage are you at now? Ask God to help you sustain the vision to which He is calling you to. Ask for the gift of sustained hope and perseverance. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

33. “Is it from God Just Because it Feels Good?”

For Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 2 Cor.11:14

Do hardships, closed doors, persecution, or inner turmoil mean that you are moving away from the Lord’s direction in your life? Maybe, maybe not. Does the experience of inner peace, of all things coming together, of unimpeded progress necessarily mean that the Lord is blessing your life’s direction? Maybe, maybe not. How we experience our life’s circumstances, in itself, is not enough to determine whether we are on the right path or not. So taught St. Ignatius of Loyola who wisely recognized that our relative experiences of peace or disquiet in life might have as much to do with which direction we are facing than with the leading of the Lord. Our enemy can just as easily lead us through experiences of both peace or disquiet. St. Ignatius, in his Spiritual Exercises, puts it this way,

Both the good angel and the evil spirit can give consolation to a soul, but for quite different purposes. The good angel consoles for the progress of the soul, that it may advance and rise to what is more perfect. The evil spirit consoles for purposes that are the contrary.

All consolations are not necessarily from God and it is important that we not run too far ahead on that assumption. The Spiritual Exercises counsels that if we are in a state of consolation we should continue to discern the effect this state of soul is having on us throughout the evolution of its fruit. It is quite possible that something which starts off as a consolation can later lead us astray. At times, according to Ignatius, the “evil angel” can even appear to be walking in agreement with our virtues only to be better able to pervert them later.

It is a mark of the evil spirit to assume the appearance of an angel of light. He begins by suggesting thoughts that are suited to a devout soul, and ends by suggesting his own.

On its own, an experience of peace does not give us enough information to determine whether it is the Lord who is leading us or not. We need to also ask which direction we are facing at the time of the experience. This, more than anything else, will determine how we experience either the influence of God or the influence of an evil spirit. Are we in a season of drawing nearer to God, or are we moving away from God? Our experiences of the good spirit or the evil spirit will differ accordingly. According to St. Ignatius, whenever there is vitality in our spiritual direction we will likely experience the actions of both spirits as follows,

In souls that are progressing to greater perfection, the action of the good angel is delicate, gentle, delightful. It may be compared to a drop of water penetrating a sponge. The action of the evil spirit upon such souls is violent, noisy and disturbing. It may be compared to a drop of water falling on a stone.

However, if we are moving away from God, Ignatius observes how we will experience the very opposite.

In souls that are going from bad to worse, the action of the spirits as mentioned above is just the reverse. The reason for this is due to either the opposition or similarity of these souls to the different kinds of spirits. When the disposition of the soul is contrary to that of the spirit, they appear to enter in with noise and com- motion that are easily perceived. When the disposition is similar to that of the spirits, they enter silently, as one coming into his own house when the doors are open.

Depending on which spiritual direction we are facing we will appear more or less hospitable to the Spirit of God—either welcoming His gentle promptings and corrections, or else feeling irritated or at odds with His counsel. The same is true of the evil spirit. One way or another, we are inevitably spiritual hosts. And being honest about which direction we are facing can at least give us opportunity to wisely discern which spirits we are to welcome, and which ones we should be inhospitable to.

Questions:

1. Do we consider our feelings of well-being in the spiritual life as necessarily coming from God? How might our enemy take advantage of that presumption?

2. Can you tell if you are presently in a season of drawing near to or away from God? According to Ignatius, how might you interpret your experience of God differently depending on the direction you are facing?

3. What assurance do you have that the spirit you are experiencing is truly from God? What effects would we expect from a spirit of consolation that comes from God? What effects would a spirit coming from our enemy eventually produce in us?

Prayer: Ask God to search you and help you honestly see which direction you are facing. Are you growing towards God or more lukewarm in your love for God? As you consider the areas in your life where you are experiencing peace, ask the Lord if these consolations are leading you to a greater love of God or of self. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

34. “Braced for Growth”

Train a child in the way he should go. Prov. 22:6

One way or another, life grows. We have very little say in the fact that it grows, but we do have say in how it grows. In other words we have opportunity, as Scripture encourages, to train our life—like one would train a child—in the way it should go.

Once, in a class on spiritual formation, the instructor brought in a miniature bonsai tree to help us understand how spiritual growth is encouraged. For aesthetic as well as other reasons, limbs on a bonsai tree are trained to grow in certain ways, and discouraged from growing in others. The analogy to spiritual life is obvious.

The way a particular growth pattern in a bonsai tree is encouraged is by wiring the branches in such a way that they are pulled, as they grow, in the desired direction. It’s a slow but sure process that trains the tree by channeling its growth in a preferred direction. In order to protect the branches and to ensure that the desired outcome is achieved there are important rules to follow when wiring bonsai trees.

Here are five important lessons I’ve learned about wiring a bonsai tree that also aptly apply to spiritual direction:

• The wire needs to remain in place for at least three months in order for the branch to become trained in the new direction. During this time the wire should never become loose.
• Care must be taken to ensure that, as the tree grows, the wire does not bite into it, causing scarring. It can take many years for wire damage to grow out. The wiring should be constantly adjusted, as growth takes place, in order to avoid this.
• Wiring works by bending the wood to the point of stressing and purposely damaging some of the cells in the former bend. The tree, while repairing the damage, now grows back according to the new shape imposed on it by the wire.
• It is pointless and potentially damaging to wire an unhealthy tree. If you wire a tree that is not in full vigour it might be unable to complete the repair and you could end up harming the branch.
• You should never wire a bonsai tree that has just been repotted. It’s also important to give a tree adequate time to recover from one wiring before you begin another.

The Book of Proverbs encourages us to “train a child in the way he should go.” We apply this wisdom to ourselves as we learn to adopt beneficial “habits of the heart” that help channel our growth in a preferred direction. In the example of a miniature bonsai tree, God shows us how easy it is to take a branch that is growing in one direction, and train it to grow in another. It’s simply a matter of learning how to keep beneficial patterns in place long enough that they become the new norms for your life.

Questions:

1. What “wires” do you presently have in place that are directing your spiritual growth? Are they helping or hindering your growth? Are they too loose to be really productive? Or are they perhaps too tight?

2. Do you have spiritual scars in your life from wires that have been too tight on you in the past?

3. Do you feel strong enough at present to take on a new spiritual discipline, or would you be wise to wait until you have more spiritual vitality?

Prayer: Consider how these prayer principles apply to your life. Ask God to show you what “training” He is encouraging in you these days. What wires would He have you tighten and which ones loosen? _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

35. “Slaves, Servants or Friends?”

Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. Ps. 119:97

In Theologia Germanica, a 14th-century manuscript that Martin Luther considered second only to the Bible, the anonymous author speaks of four different relationships one can have to the law. It’s easy to recognize aspects of ourselves in each of these four dispositions, and perhaps this medieval wisdom can help us understand what it means to be in right relationship to God’s precepts.

The author presents the first relationship as that of a person who sees the law as a regrettable, but necessary constraint in life. People who have this type of relationship with laws, be they civil, spiritual or self-prescribed, try to have as little as possible to do with them, seeing them as a hindrance that they would rather avoid in life. They acknowledge the law, but wish it weren’t there.

The second relationship to laws and precepts is the one that assumes reward, as in the case of the person who thinks of gaining credit or approval by keeping them. People who follow this second way are unfortunately also the ones who most live in fear of breaking a law. Rules and disciplines become for them an external taskmaster and they fear the consequences of stepping out of line with what has been prescribed. The burden of obedience is heavy for these people and they need to be encouraged towards a different disposition. As the author of the Theologia Germanica writes, “to serve God and to live for Him is easy to whoever does it for love, but it is hard and wearisome to anyone who does it for hire” (TG 38) We must always remember that Jesus invites us to be His friends, not His slaves.

A third way of relating to the law is to simply ignore it—to side step it completely as though it were not needed, or did not apply to our lives—an approach that neither the author, nor the Scriptures recommend. This form of anarchy mocks those, including God, who value laws and ordinances, by attempting to “enter the gate” by some other means than the demands of obedience that Jesus Himself modeled for us.

The fourth and preferred way is that practiced by those who follow the law, not for reward, nor from any constraint or guilt, but because they recognize that the law is good. They obey God’s precepts for the simple reason that they love the ways of the Lord. Like the psalmist, their disposition in life is one that proclaims, “Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long.” (Ps. 119:97)

In this disposition, Jesus recognizes us acting as friends of the law, not as hirelings. In agreement with God—that His law is good—we finally experience the relational freedom that friends are meant to enjoy.

You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:14-15

Questions:

1. When it comes to your relationship to prayer, Scripture or church, in what ways are you motivated, even unconsciously, by a fear of what might happen if you didn’t practice these disciplines? Is this necessarily a bad thing? In what ways does that put you in the disposition of a slave, fearful of the consequences of disobedience?

2. In what ways are you perhaps motivated by an expectation of rewards? Is this necessarily bad? What type of relationship to God does this imply?

3. In what ways do you see yourself motivated in your relationship with God by love? How does this compare, especially from God’s perspective, with the other two dispositions?

Prayer: As you come to prayer ask yourself why you are doing this. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you, in your disposition to the spiritual life, to the relationship that God truly desires to have with you. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

36. “Losing Our Center”

Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart. (or, “not to faint,” KJV) Luke 18:1(NASB)

Like most of us, when it comes to keeping a tab on my soul I seem to be prone to chronic spiritual amnesia. Jesus, in this passage, prescribes an antidote for this type of forgetfulness—“at all times they ought to pray.” Prayer, the Lord teaches us, helps keep our spiritual heart at the forefront of our lives. It keeps us from falling asleep or fainting by helping us stay awake to the fact of our souls.

Often, when I am in prayer, I feel that I am recovering something essential to my being. Prayer helps me return to a place of truth that I had wandered away from without even knowing it. Only after I have once again found myself in this way do I realize how absent I have been from my true self. Maybe it’s from overly identifying with my thought life, or perhaps it’s the busy pace of a day that is at fault, but it seems that awareness of my spirit-life often follows the old adage of “out of sight, out of mind.”

The focus of prayer helps me identify once again what and where my soul is. As I rediscover my “heart of hearts” I am reminded of its place as the centre of who I really am. It seems that God has to keep recovering this basic truth for me—that I come from a much deeper place within myself than I think I do. I also sense that, ultimately, the Lord wants me to be operating from this deeper place at all times.

Prayer cultivates sensitivity to the spiritual life that is always active at the core of our being. It’s no wonder that Jesus tells us that we ought to always pray—so that we won’t lose sight of what is essential to our lives. This is the prescription that the Great Physician recommends for the recovery of our souls. We would be wise to follow it and even wiser, once we have recovered our heart, to learn how to not lose it again.

Prayer makes us realize how far from God we were. P.T. Forsyth

Questions:

1. What other centers do we find ourselves at times operating from besides our “heart of hearts?”

2. The book of Proverbs tells us “above all guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life (Prov. 4:23). How is your heart the “wellspring of your life?” What clutters up this wellspring so that it no longer flows freely? In what ways can you “guard your heart” from such clutter?

3. What might the disposition of being “always at prayer” look like for you in your day?

Prayer: Take time to commit your intentions to God regarding the direction you wish to see yourself more established in. Ask the Lord to help you remember and to consistently choose a more heart-centered life.

37. “When the Well Runs Dry”

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Prov. 13:12

The experience of prayer can sometimes be discouraging, even for those who are quite disciplined at it. We wrestle time out of our busy day to finally show up for that long-promised appointment with God. We offer ourselves to the Lord, and then we spend the next 20 minutes or so in an endless variety of thoughts that we could just as easily have had while driving or doing the dishes. We come to the discouraging conclusion that not only do we not know how to pray, but neither have we the will nor motivation to lead ourselves to the place of learning. Prayer seems impossible and we feel like giving up rather than subjecting ourselves to any further discouragement. Though such an experience always appears as a failure, it is also a very normal and predictable stage towards a deeper and more truthful relationship with God.

The inability to pray as we would want to is a common experience, but there is a tendency to see this failure as conclusive, and we need to be careful to avoid this misinterpretation. The ancients referred to this despairing tendency as acedia, the temptation to assess your spiritual progress negatively and then to give up. Acedia, or the “noon-day devil” as it’s sometimes called, is a spirit of discouragement that afflicts the soul by sapping it of its strength to persevere. Our hopes for prayer are disappointed and our heart is sickened, resulting in spiritual languor. The very thought of God becomes a burden to us.

Spiritual languor is a dis-ease of the soul that mostly affects the will. It weakens our attempts to pray, and quenches our hope of persevering in the spiritual life. The desire to pray may still be present but the power and will to do so seem absent. In the end, even the desire to pray starts fading. Proverbs 13:12 recognizes that when we lose hope, we feel ill. But, curiously enough, this fact is also the surest evidence that all is not without hope. The very reason that the heart is sickened is that it recognizes the terrible loss that languor represents. And it grieves this loss. The discomfort we feel in this state is proof enough of the Holy Spirit’s presence and continuing activity in the soul’s desire for prayer. As St. John of the Cross observed,

It is clear that this darkness does not come from lukewarmness because the very nature of lukewarmness is that it does not care, nor is concerned with the things of God. In the ebb and flow of our spiritual lives, it is important to recognize how the Holy Spirit uses seasons of languor in order to help strengthen and purify our desire for God. We should not measure our spiritual life only according to times of light, warmth, joy and fruitful activity.

Times of impasse, of coldness towards God, of darkness and grief at the apparent loss of contact with the Lord are also active forces in our spiritual formation.

In times of spiritual languor it is important that we avoid the temptation to jump to hasty conclusions—especially if they’re based solely on our own interpretation of the experience. Faith and patience, even in the midst of apparent failure, are always our best and most fruitful recourse.

Questions:

1. How would you describe your own experience of a discouraging prayer time? What unhelpful conclusions might such experiences sometimes lead you to?

2. How do you relate to the idea of it being a sickness of the heart when even the thought of God, or prayer, or Scripture reading feels like a burden? What are some of the good or bad ways you’ve seen yourself respond to these feelings with?

3. What encouragement does it bring to you to consider that the very fact that you grieve the loss of your spiritual vitality is a sign that you haven’t lost it?

Prayer: Consider the particular quality of faith and patience that times of spiritual languor require of you. If you are presently in such a time ask God to help you accept this dryness as a place of purification. If not, consider how, in anticipation of your next period of dryness, you will respond to your inability to pray or seek God as you wish or ought to. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

38. “Does God Curtail Our Spirits?”

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12

Acedia, or spiritual languor, is an experience that is especially common for people at the beginning stages of trying to establish a discipline of prayer in their lives. They have a desire to pray but are not able to be consistent in focusing their will in order to persevere in this desire. To feel discouragement at this stage is understandable. But people with a disciplined prayer life can also experience an erosion of their will-to-pray. For them, the reasons for spiritual languor are often mysterious, and perhaps more related to God’s direct activity within their souls than to their own lack of initiative.

Matthew the Poor, a Coptic contemplative, says that one of the reasons God allows us to experience spiritual languor might be in order to curtail an over-ambitious soul. This can apply to us at any stage of our pilgrimage, whenever we are tempted to turn our spiritual hopes into spiritual goals. He suggests that such a soul might be attempting to go beyond its ability to endure, beyond that which its foundations can stand. We can sometimes ask for, or expect, spiritual experiences and knowledge beyond our present needs or capacity. When such presumptions fail us we feel discouraged. We find our spiritual reserves exhausted from having overextended ourselves.

Spiritual languor, in this context, can actually be seen as a gift of mercy as God protects us from the spiritual pride that would result if we were to claim spiritual heights that we are not yet ready for. Weakness of the will then serves to bring the soul back to the lowly steps of a beginner. It should be welcomed as a merciful corrective that empties the soul of self-willed ambition. It also re-establishes the right order of relationship between our spiritual disciplines and our experience of God.

One of the particular dangers of a disciplined spiritual life is to presume that diligence and faithfulness to our spiritual practices are directly linked to our relationship with God, as though they somehow qualify us for the love and grace of God. If that is the case, rather than allow us to persist in such an illusion, God is obliged to deprive the soul of its own energy and will in order to challenge our faulty premises.

The discipline we apply to the pursuit of God is not the price we pay for His love and acceptance, but only a response to these. Whenever God withdraws the grace of zeal from us and the soul loses the power and energy to be disciplined in its spiritual work, the spiritual poverty that results can serve to correct a misunderstanding of the relationship that binds the soul to God.

How can we know if these correctives apply to our present state of soul? Perhaps the very questions we ask ourselves when we feel tepid in our spirits are what most reveal the presumptions of relationship that we are dealing with. Has God forsaken me? Is it because of my sin? Have I provoked God to anger by my sloth and laziness? Is my prayer no longer acceptable to Him? Each of these questions reveals a faulty premise with regards to who is in response to Whom.

It is easy to believe that, if we no longer have a will for God, God no longer has a will towards us. This is what happens when we are tempted by acedia.

Questions:

1. What discouragements do you experience that seem to become obstacles to a more consistent prayer life?

2. How do you usually interpret what this implies about you or your relationship with God?

3. When you consider other reasons for this discouragement besides your own neglect or lack of willpower how do you relate to the following possibilities: · God might be curtailing an over-ambitious zeal in you · You might be expecting too much, too soon from yourself in terms of spiritual capacity · God is protecting you from the pride of spiritual achievement · You have wrongly equated your spiritual discipline as an indicator of your relationship with God

Prayer: Ask God for a discerning spirit, to tell the difference between what is the result of being lukewarm or negligent, or the result of His direct hand on limiting your capacity for prayer for the sake of humility. Prayerfully consider how God is calling you to respond to either of these reasons. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

39. “Images of the Spiritual Life”

Then Jesus said, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to?” Luke 13:18

It is difficult, if not impossible, to describe the spiritual life directly. You have to “tell it slant,” allude to it, use metaphor, allegory, poetry and other imagery. Even Jesus, when speaking of the spiritual life, often seemed constrained to similes in describing the kingdom of God as “like this” or “like that.”

How do you picture your own spiritual life? What metaphors do you use when interpreting your experience of God? Evelyn Underhill, in her classic book on mystical theology, refers to three of the most common symbols of the spiritual life: the Pilgrim, the Lover and the Alchemist. You might recognize your own metaphor in these.

The first symbol, the Pilgrim, describes the Abrahamic quest. It appeals to our longing to go out from the “normal world” in search of an anticipated “home” or promised land. Examples in literature include Dante’s Divine Comedy, or John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress. In these, the soul is seen as outward bound, journeying towards an anticipated goal. Its destination, or home, is something perceived in the distance. The intuition for the Pilgrim is one that interprets the spiritual cravings of the heart as indicating the longing for a “Place.”

The symbol of the Lover on the other hand identifies a different interpretation of this longing—one of “heart for heart,” of the soul for its perfect mate, of love for its lover. The idea of betrothal and marriage is one of its common allegories. The spiritual temperament in this disposition is that of deep desire for an intimate and personal relationship with God. This intuition is one that understands the spiritual cravings as indicating a ‘Person.’

That the imagery of human love and marriage should be enlisted as a metaphor for the spiritual life is, of course, natural. In the Song of Songs, the bride and bridegroom can represent the progression of the soul’s surrender to the embrace of Perfect Love—from attraction, to knowledge, to growing intimacy, to union. It parallels the sequence of states through which our spiritual consciousness unfolds in its progress towards intimacy.

Where the Pilgrim responds to the “seek and ye shall find” promises of Scripture, and the Lover follows the desires and passions of love, the Alchemist longs more for a transformation of the soul. He is guided by Jesus’ promise, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” The symbol of the alchemist represents the inward search for purity—the “Magnus Opus,” or “Great Work of the Soul,” where the need to be born again, or regenerated, is the first necessity. Paul calls it a matter of exchanging the old man for the new.

Alchemy is the art of purification—bringing forth the latent “gold” which lies obscure in the metal, or in the self. The longing for righteousness, perfection and sanctification in the spiritual life is a response to the call to “be holy as I am holy.” The intuition of the Alchemist understands the spiritual cravings as mostly indicating a “State of Soul.”

These three images are of course only partial descriptions of the subjective experience of spiritual life. Which ones best represent your present experience? Consider how exploring some aspects of the other metaphors might enrich your interpretation of the spiritual life. Of course none of these symbols are exclusive, and we perhaps all share elements from each. But they are helpful to consider as we appreciate the variety of spiritual experiences that are identified in us through such imagery.

Questions:

1. Which metaphor best represents how you understand your relationship to the spiritual life?

2. How do you relate to the other images of longings? Is there one that you feel particularly resistant to for some reason?

3. How do you imagine other people in your life might relate to these three images of the spiritual life? How might this help you better understand what moves them to pursue God?

Prayer: Take time in prayer to form a relationship to the metaphor that you are least familiar with. Consider others who relate to God in these ways and how you might better empathize with their longings through understanding what motivates their spiritual lives. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

40. “Embracing Our Poverty”

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matt. 5:3

The assurances we hear in the Beatitudes—that the hungry will be filled, that those who mourn will be comforted, and that the meek will be victorious—can sound like “pie in the sky” being offered to those who have no other hope on earth. But to see them as invitations through which Jesus calls us and reveals to us important identifiers of the spiritual life would be a more likely interpretation.

St. Francis of Assisi certainly understood the human predicament in these terms. He knew, firsthand, how we are fundamentally incomplete, fragile and broken people. It would be easy to think that such a state of affairs is a serious problem that needs correcting. But anyone who has studied the saint’s teaching knows that his description of humanity refers not only to our starting point, but to the end we must accept as well.

According to St. Francis, the most accurate theological definition of the human race is that it is made up of people who are “striken with egoistic tendencies, always tempted to affirm themselves as self-sufficient.” Francis identifies this as resulting in them “abandoning themselves far too often and disfiguring the image according to which they have been fashioned.”

But, according to St. Francis, there is also good news in this diagnosis. Jesus, in the Beatitudes, has proposed for us a way of conversion. He invites us to embrace our poverty—our fragile, broken and incomplete self—as not only the beginning, but also as the end of our spirituality. In order to enter into the full blessing (literally, the “happiness”) of the Beatitudes we must, according to Francis, learn to both “experience and assume the radical poverty of our being.” To adopt this tack will immediately challenge the direction that most of our efforts at sanctification take.

Most of us have spent years, and much psychological energy, trying to distance ourselves from the poverty of our being. Or we have tried to correct our inconsistencies on our own. We tend to see our brokenness as a temporary problem, an impediment that we hope to overcome on the road to true freedom.

But if Jesus, in the Beatitudes, is teaching us the proper disposition of blessing, then our attempts to undo the poverty of our being might actually be spiritual energy spent in the wrong direction. If Jesus is right, we should be learning instead how to accept, even to embrace, our deficiencies rather than trying to distance ourselves from them. Like it or not, they are the truth of who we presently are.

The call of the Beatitudes is to a radical change of agenda from how we normally understand our spiritual direction. This is the call—to deeply experience and to assume as our spiritual path a growing acceptance of the incompleteness of who we are. This is the call—to welcome our fragility and so discover a new type of blessing that we have perhaps never known.

Jesus sees our poverty as blessed. This is reason enough to embrace the teaching of the saints in this matter.

Questions:

1. Would you agree with Francis’ observation that we are a people who are “striken with egoistic tendencies, always tempted to affirm themselves as self-sufficient?” How does this tendency rob us of the blessing of peace that Jesus gives to those who are poor in spirit?

2. How easy or difficult is it for you to “embrace your poverty”—your fragile, broken and incomplete self? Can you accept it, not only in resignation or as something to eventually overcome, but as an end in itself?

3. In what ways have you tried to distance yourself unhelpfully from your own poverty of being? How does this serve to disfigure, as Francis suggests, the image of God in us?

Prayer: Consider, in prayer, the call of the Beatitude —to deeply experience and to assume as your spiritual path a growing acceptance of the incompleteness of who you are —to welcome your fragility and so discover a new type of blessing that you have perhaps never known. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

41. “God’s Timing”

The wise heart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter. Eccl. 8:5-6

Throughout his ministry, Oswald Chambers, the author of My Utmost for His Highest followed a daily motto to simply “trust God and do the next thing.” He was comfortable with the fact that he could not see the whole picture, and in the knowledge that the journey can just as easily be made by a thousand small steps as by a few giant leaps. This is the type of wisdom that faith inspires.

Faith rests in the knowledge that the Lord has already prepared a path for us to walk each day. If we just wait long enough, it will reveal itself. We might not know where this path is leading us. We might not even like where it’s going. But there is definitely a path for each one of us to walk, and Jesus has identified it as none other than Himself—the Way.”

Seeking and waiting for Jesus each day is how we come to know “the proper time and procedure for each matter.” The book of Proverbs agrees with the wisdom of patience when it comes to finding our path. In Prov. 4:26 we are encouraged to “make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.” There are many times when we must wait for the dust of confusion to settle before the way can be revealed to us. To start walking any sooner, on what is still rough and uncertain terrain, is seen as foolishness.

Wisdom knows that it is best to wait until “the proper time and procedure” is revealed before moving ahead. To wait on God, of course, is a test of our faith. It means staring into the void and feeling secure enough to do nothing about it. We are not very comfortable with uncertainties. We often panic when we don’t know what to do. And in our anxiety we feel compelled to take any action rather than no action at all. But the contemplative life encourages us to give proper time for things to unfold before we act. New information will show up tomorrow that you could not possibly have known today. Your own disposition and state of soul will be different an hour from now than it is at present.

There are patterns of direction to all things in life and they will emerge in their own time. You will know which way is firm, and the proper time and procedure for every matter. And, until you do, you are counseled to wait.

Questions:

1. Do you believe that, in your life, the Lord has already prepared a path for you to walk each day? How does trusting this to be true change how you interpret and approach your day?

2. What does the alternative to trusting this look like in your life?

3. What effect does seeking and waiting for God’s way produce in you? Impatience? Confidence? Anxiety? Faith?

Prayer: Is there a situation in your life where God is telling you that you should “make level paths for your feet, and take only ways that are firm?” Take time in prayer to confess how your faith and trust are challenged in this. Ask God for the peace that comes to those who truly trust that He is directing their lives. _________________________________________________ © 2009 Rob Des Cotes, Clements Publishing, Toronto, ONT

42. “Worthless Desires”

Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.

James. 1:14

To appreciate how this passage applies to spiritual direction and to the purification of our desires we need to first redeem the word “evil” from its usual associations with morality. The Greek word that James uses here is kakos. This word for “evil” does not necessarily describe the moral quality of something as much as the negative effect it has. What makes something evil is that it is injurious in its effect, making something worth less than it could be. In this sense, an “evil” desire is one that takes away from the spiritual potential of our better desires. Its association with sin, then, is also in the sense that it causes us to “miss the mark” or fall short of the prize.

The apostle James exhorts us to take stock of the inordinate desires that lure us away from the God-given goals that our purer desires are otherwise calling us to. Jesus’ temptation in the desert, for example, was an attempt to lure Him away from the better focus of His life, i.e. to entice Him to miss the mark and fall short of the prize.

Some desires are more worthwhile than others. If we follow every one of our desires indiscriminately we will make a rabbit trail of our lives. Our lesser desires will entice us towards lesser goals, and cause us to lose sight of the noble vision we once had for ourselves. But, if we endeavour to fan the flame of our God-given desires, it will lead us to a deeper experience of relationship with the Divine “object” of our longings.

Lord, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us

from worthless things.

Questions:

1.How does a wider definition of the word “evil” help you see its effect of fruitlessness in your life?

2.How do “worthless desires” entice you?How do they drag you away from what is more noble in you?

3.What criteria might you use to distinguish between the lesser desires that compete with your more noble ones?

Prayer:Ask God for the attentiveness to recognize the enticement of worthless desires in your life, and the wisdom to know which ones will lead to noble ends and which ones will dissipate your soul.

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43. “Prepared to Serve”

The disciples asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive (the evil spirit) out?” He replied, ‘This kind can come out only by prayer and fasting.’

Mark 9:28-29

The Lord gives us wonderful gifts with which to serve others. But if these gifts are not vitally connected to the Giver of our gifts, we will likely fall flat on our faces in terms of our effectiveness. This is the hard lesson the disciples had to learn.

God has empowered us to influence the world for good, but let us not underestimate the inner work that is required in order for our outer works to bear their intended fruit. The type of spiritual transformation that we are meant to be agents of in this world can only come about by diligence in remaining close to God—the “prayer and fasting” that Jesus prescribes.

To be spiritually applied in this world requires that we give ourselves not only to the needs of the world around us, but also to God. We must tend to both the horizontal and vertical necessities of each. Only that which comes from God can truly serve God in this world. In order for us to be spiritually effective in our influence He must be the source of our empowerment. The disciples’ failure here is an object lesson for us all to heed.

In the story that precedes this passage from Mark, Jesus has just spent the night on the Mount of Transfiguration with Peter, James and John. In His absence, the remaining disciples have been dealing with a concerned father who has brought his son, possessed by an evil spirit, in the hope of receiving healing. The disciples, though initially buoyed by their recent successes in healing and casting out demons on their own, are unable to help. They appear as fakes to the scribes and mockers who deride them. To the father who had put his faith in them, this seems to be nothing but a cruel hoax. The disciples are speechless, humiliated by their spiritual impotence and exposed as much less than their reputation among the villagers had promised.

In John 15, Jesus speaks of a branch that is severed from the vine which, now withered, is only good to be thrown away. Surely these words must be resonating in the disciples’ thoughts. But Jesus’ parable also provides the antidote to their ineffectiveness. Remain in me and you will bear much fruit..

The lesson that this failure taught the disciples is that of the importance of preparation. It’s a lesson we have to learn over and over again, usually through the humbling experience of our own of failures. Lord, why aren’t we more successful in our ministry? Why do I feel so spiritually impotent? Why does the church seem so ineffective in bringing about spiritual change in the world? This kind can only come out by prayer and fasting.

Questions:

1.In what ways have you felt like you have failed in your attempts to serve God?

2.How do you understand the relationship between the inner work of your preparation and the outer work of your application in life?

3.If, as this meditation suggests, “only that which comes from God can truly serve God in this world” how might we better prepare ourselves to serve the needs around us?

Prayer:Take time to pray, for no other reason than to prepare yourself for God’s service.Receive from the Lord, the very Spirit by which you will serve Him in your day.

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44. “Doing the Word we Hear”

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

James 1:22-25

For decades I’ve been attracted to the vocation of a painter. I am a reasonably good amateur watercolourist. I’ve had exhibits, sold paintings, been affirmed by others in this and enjoy seeing my works up on the walls of friends. But the busy-ness of life and other priorities have, for many years, made it impossible to realistically call myself a practicing artist.

Whenever I visit galleries and see beautiful works that others have created, I often leave with a great sense of excitement and vision for the type of art I might be capable of producing myself, if I could only find the time. I recognize, in the joy I experience viewing the work of other artists, an invitation to find that same profound potential within myself. But that joy will never, on its own, lead me to becoming a good artist. The only way I will ever reach this aspiration is by getting down to some serious painting.

Many people feel a similar attraction to the contemplative life and practice. It represents something of the state of soul their hearts long for as they recognize their own desires in the writings of the saints, especially in the descriptions of the intimacy they enjoy with God. God has placed such a cloud of witnesses all around us, but it is important that we not confuse firsthand experience with what is secondhand. God’s invitation is not to live vicariously, but to enjoy directly the experience of the Spirit that is uniquely ours. As A.W. Tozer put it, we are each called “to push into sensitive living experience into the Holy Presence of God.” And more and more people, it seems, are hearing this call.

Anyone browsing the latest titles in a Christian bookstore will recognize that there is a growing interest in spirituality. As Eugene Peterson observes in his Christ Plays In Ten Thousand Places, In our times “spirituality” has become a major business for entrepreneurs, a recreational sport for the bored, and for others, whether many or few, a serious and disciplined commitment to live deeply and fully in relation to God.

Though it gives us cause to hope that a growing interest in the spiritual life will translate into spiritual fruit, this is not necessarily the case any more than an increase in people attending art galleries will produce a crop of artists. Reading book after book can give us the illusion of spiritual growth, but it will never amount to the transformation that spiritual practice offers to anyone who “does what the word says.” The desire that inflames the heart whenever we hear or read about intimacy with God must somehow translate into our own journeying in the direction of that intimacy. James’ encouragement—to be doers and not only hearers of the word—certainly applies to the call to “push into sensitive living experience into the Holy Presence of God.”

For those who already enjoy a regular discipline of prayer, the apostle John assures you (1Jn 2:27, below) that you are in the place of instruction whereby the Holy Spirit will continue to lead you directly into all the subtleties of this relationship. For those who are not yet able to enjoy such a regular discipline in their lives, may your longing for such be the prayer and hope that God has claimed you for this end.

As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

1 John 2:27

Questions:

1.What excites your heart with joy for the spiritual life?What are the “mirrors” that remind you of your heart’s deep desire for God?

2.In what ways might we confuse the mirror of second-hand experience for the reality of our own?How might a vicarious experience of the spiritual life actually serve to distract you from that which is uniquely yours?

3.What challenges might you face as you try to personally “push into sensitive living experience into the Holy Presence of God?”

Prayer:Consider your own relationship to 1John 2:27.Ask the Holy Spirit for confidence in the unique teaching God brings to you through the circumstances and understanding of your own experienceof the spiritual life.

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45. “Uprooting Bad Growth”

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

The values of prayer are many. Anyone who practices it enjoys the assurance of Divine relationship in all aspects of their lives. It gives them hope in their petitions, a path through the uncertainties of life, and a real sense of participation with God’s purposes in the world. Prayer also leads us to wisdom and self-knowledge. It is the laboratory where the subtleties of the spiritual life are closely examined, and where we can hope to discern the mysterious forces that move us to think and act as we do. Prayer is also the place of new beginnings—where life gets birthed, fresh from the Word. In so many ways prayer is a wellspring of spiritual growth. But one of the often unheralded benefits of prayer is that it also prevents certain things from growing. It is a place where bad growth is curtailed.

Growth happens imperceptibly, especially bad growth—the negative attitudes we cultivate, the prejudices we develop, the priorities we misplace, and the misinterpretations of God’s will that can cause us to gradually wander from the truth. Without prayer these harmful growths go unchecked. Prayer is the place of pruning where such things are nipped in the bud. It prevents them from ever taking root in us.

In prayer we ask God to examine all aspects of our lives in order to avoid such errors. Like shining a flashlight in a dark basement we look into this corner and that one, holding all things up to God to see if there is anything that needs to be adjusted. “What do you think of this Lord? What about my relationship with so and so? What about this choice or action I made today? What about this attitude I feel growing in me? Is that ok with you? Is everything alright? Is there anything offensive in me?”

Prayer is the place where we get to re-examine and adjust the assumptions we are operating under. It is where we come to have our lives redirected as needed. To ask God daily for verification is the simple ounce of prevention that will make unnecessary the pound of cure that any wrong tangent will eventually require.

Each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work.

1 Cor. 3:10-14

Questions:

1.How does prayer help you catch “negative growth” that is taking root in you?How can it be a place where we invite God to examine our attitudes and presumptions?

2.How are you perhaps challenged by the thought of God “shining a flashlight” in the dark corners of your basement?Is this something that you welcome or resist?

3.How does daily prayer help us hold our spiritual direction lightly so that, if needed, we can always be redirected by God?

Prayer:Consider the many assumptions that presently define your life.Invite the Lord’s counsel and redirection in all these areas, asking God questions such this meditation suggests:

What do you think of this Lord? What about my relationship with so and so? What about this choice or action I made? What about this attitude I feel growing in me? What do You think? Is everything alright? Is there anything offensive in me?”

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46. “I Am Not My Work”

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Gen. 2:2-3

From day one of creation, God’s method has been one of separating, in order to define—making distinctions between darkness and light, the waters above and waters below, the land and the sea, etc. Here too, on the seventh day, God creates an important distinction, this time between work and rest. In so doing He makes a clear separation between Himself and His work. He distinguishes action from being.

Imagine if, on the seventh day, God would have just continued adding more and more amazing feats of creation to His accolades. Imagine if the Genesis story was simply a story about God’s work. It would still be pretty impressive to create a whole universe and set man and history into motion. We would still marvel at God, the Creator. The problem with this story however is that we would naturally identify God in only one mode—that of Worker-Creator. We would see Him as an active God who is forever busy creating. Instead, Scripture makes an important distinction. On the seventh day the Lord rested from His work. In other words, the Lord returned to His first identity—who God is, independent of His work.

Taking rest from work is one of the most affirming statements we can make about the work we do. “It is finished.” “It is good.” “It has its life and I have mine.” It is also one of the most affirming statements that we can make about ourselves. “I am not my work.” We stand apart, in wonderful relationship to it, but not exclusively defined by what we do.

It is good.Sabbath is the place from which we get to practice and cultivate such wonder. In order to do so we need to maintain a healthy sense of objectivity in relation to our work-life. If we focus too closely on success, mastery and competence as the foundation of our being, we easily lose this sense of objective wonder. Our work becomes the justification of our existence, and the phrase, “It is good,” soon begins to imply that “I am good.”

Sabbath, then, is a time for us to cultivate restful objectivity in our relationship to work. It is a God-given opportunity to get rid of the idols we might have created during the week—our inordinate attachments to what we do. God’s exhortation, as well as His example call us to practice times of detachment—to intentionally rest from our work, just as He did from His.

Questions:

1. In what ways does your active life define who you are?How does the success or the competence by which you say “it is good” start implying that “I am good?”

2. How might we, like God, make clear separations between ourselves and our work, between being and doing?How might a greater objectivity allow us to delight even more in the wonder of our work?

3. How does unfamiliarity or even discomfort with the sufficiency of our being cause us to always be striving for something more to define our lives?

Prayer: Take time in prayer to welcome the sufficiency of your being—who you are before you even begin to express yourself in the active life.Then, from the perspective of your ‘first identity” consider anew your relationship to the work you do in the world.

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47. “Knowing Your Limits”

Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther?

Job 38:8-11

The Lord sets limits to all things. This far you may come and no farther. While God calls us to grow, He also places boundaries that limit our growth. If we can accept the fact that there are God-ordained purposes to the limitations of our life we can perhaps be more open to acknowledging them and learning how to work within their constraints.

Our lives are as circumscribed as the contours of the sea. If we could draw a topographical map of the shape of our gifts in terms of the present limits of our capacities, we would recognize what God sees and we would know why our grasp is often much shorter than our reach. This far you may come and no farther. To accept the God-set contours of our lives doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity, nor does it offer divine justification for us to be underachievers, but it does allow us to consider the possibility that limitations, in themselves, are not necessarily problems to overcome on the road to self-fulfillment.

If we consider the vision we perhaps had for ourselves in our youth and compare it to the relatively less impressive life we have since lived, we might feel like we’ve failed in achieving our potential, or that we’ve been short-changed in life. But could it be that God has directed you as much by your limitations as by your potential? Could it be that you are exactly where you are because God didn’t give you the capacity to be anywhere else at this time? And could it be that He sees the limitations of your life more as an opportunity than as an impediment? In directing our lives God is able to use the things we lack as much as the things we have.

Perhaps the Lord has given you a measure of talent, but no more. What is His purpose in this limitation? Perhaps God has given you these few resources to work with, but no more. What is His purpose in this limitation? Perhaps God has given you some opportunities for ministry, but no more. What is the purpose in this limitation? Or perhaps the Lord has given you insight, allowed you to understand this much truth, and no more. What is the purpose of this limitation?

The Lord establishes limits to all things, and Christian theology assumes that freedom is realized through and in relation to such purposeful constraints. It is the narrowness of the river banks, after all, that gives strength to the river.

Questions:

1. How easy is it for you to accept the limitations that God has placed on your life?How are you tempted at times with discouragement or even shame because of the poverty of your God-given finitude?

2. In what ways have you had to adjust your expectation or vision of yourself when confronted with God’s word, “This far you may come and no farther?”

3. How does forming a right relationship to the limitations and finitude of your life make you more free to be who you actually are?

Prayer: Consider the ways that you feel limited in your life and take time to thank God for these constraints.Ask for insight into God’s wisdom and the opportunities for creativity that these limitations provide Him with.

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48. “Establishing a New Norm”

The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.Matt. 26:41

It is a dismayingly common experience, having finally settled down to pray, to find that you are not able to do so. The mind seems to suddenly become more active than usual with a thousand concerns, all unrelated to our goal of prayer. Why is this? Is there any hope that we can ever adapt to the Spirit of stillness and become what prayer requires of us? The late psychiatrist and spiritual director Gerald May thought so, and in his book, Addiction and Grace, offered a physiological explanation of what takes place within us as we set out to pray.

Over the course of our lives, each one of us has established what our bodies understand as their “normal” inner disposition—a particular equilibrium that it strives to maintain. Even if the “normal” that we live with is an uncomfortable one, it is the one that we have become accustomed to and any attempt to alter this inner state is going to be met with physiological resistance. We are, in a sense, “addicted” to whatever constitutes our norm and, as Gerald May puts it, “I don’t let that normality change without a struggle.” He identifies the struggle involved in any attempt to transform our norms as similar to that of someone withdrawing from an addiction—in this case, an addiction to self.

For many modern spiritual pilgrims, the simple matter of taking time for daily prayer can become a battle of will excruciatingly reminiscent of that encountered in chemical addiction. Issues of control and willpower, surrender and defeat all rage within the drama of a true spiritual warfare. Increasing numbers of us are discovering that we would rather stay the same than experience the real discomfort that becoming peaceful produces in us.

Prayer, by its very nature, encourages an altered state of reference within us. It seeks to establish a new norm. We should not underestimate the withdrawal process that such transformation entails. We have, after all, spent years establishing a “norm” for ourselves, apart from God. As Gerald Mays puts it,

Mediating all the stimuli they receive, the cells of our brains are continually seeking equilibrium, developing patterns of adaptation that constitute what is normal. Thus the more we become accustomed to seeking spiritual satisfaction through things other than God, the more abnormal and stressful it becomes to look to God directly for these.

This logic particularly applies to the abnormal demands that the practice of prayer places on our physiology. It also explains why, at least initially, our bodies register this sudden change of inner state as discomfort. Since we are addicted to a much more active inner life, we naturally have trouble letting go of it as we attempt to enter a state of prayer. As Gerald May notes,

If a person takes a vacation or tries to settle down to pray, the sudden removal of external stress immediately causes the body to generate less stress chemicals. The neurons, having been adapted to high levels of stress chemicals, now react as if something were wrong. They send signals, ironically, of stress to the rest of the body, trying to get things going again.

Prayer is a catalyst for transformation and, for this reason alone, we should anticipate that it will imply a struggle between the flesh and the spirit. Adapting to change will inevitably mean going through the stress of withdrawal from our old normality, until our new one is established.

Questions:

1. How do you relate to the struggle between “the flesh and the spirit” when it comes to prayer?How would you describe the physiological experience of resistance to prayer?

2. In what ways do “issues of control, willpower, surrender and defeat” show up as you try to establish peace in your prayer?In what ways can these be seen as symptoms of withdrawal?

3. How does prayer establish a new norm within you?What do you hope might be possible for your life if that is the case?

Prayer: Take time in prayer to focus on the resistance to peace that you experience.Confess your need for conversion and express your desire to be weaned from the addictive tendencies that keep you from being able to truly rest in God.

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49. “Love is Precarious”

I am my Beloved’s and He is mine.Song of Solomon 2:16

Love is possessive, in the best sense of the word. It desires, recognizes and assures us that we belong to the One who loves us, and that the One we love also belongs to us. But this status of “belonging” is not something that we can ever secure for ourselves. It must be given freely by the other person. That is why love, by its very nature, is always precarious.

The word “precarious” is curiously rooted in the same Old Latin word from which we derive the word prayer. It refers to the risk involved when something depends wholly upon the will of another. In other words, to rest in the statement “I am loved by you” means to be in a place of precarious vulnerability, requiring utmost trust of the other person. We need to understand how this applies to our relationship with God, as well as to one another, if we are to appreciate the risk and responsibility that love entails.

It is natural that experiences of fear and vulnerability often accompany the growing edge of love. As we put our lives on the altar of its flame, love demands that we trust the precarious power we have given the other person. This is also the risk that God has taken in granting His creatures the freedom to love Him or not. And it is the risk that any believer must take in trusting that God’s love for us is greater than our fears would imply. The confident assurance expressed in the statement “My beloved is mine, and I am His” represents the victory of such trust over our fears.

Love leads us in the direction of trust through a slow process of transformation as we come to recognize the many layers of fear and insecurities that need to be overcome on the road to “possessing” it. We “possess” love only insofar as we receive it in trust. One of the oldest definitions of the word possess is of something that we “hold, occupy, or reside in.” Resting in love, then, means to reside, or feel at home, in the assurance that we truly belong there.

Questions:

1, In what ways do you feel anxious about love?How does this apply to the love you seek from God?From others?From yourself?

2. How does the precariousness of love also apply to God, in His love for us?

3. What would it require for you to be able to more fully rest in the statement: “I am loved by you?”What unnecessary fears rob you of that assurance?

Prayer: Consider the disposition of trust that is implied by the statement: “My beloved is mine and I am his.”Take time to meditate on how this presently applies to your relationship with God.

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50. “The Desire for Innocence”

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Cor. 7:10

In the Sayings of the Desert Fathers, there is a story of Abba Sisoes who is lying on his deathbed. He is surrounded by his disciples who see that he appears to be talking to someone. “Who are you talking to Father?,” his disciples ask him. “See,” he replies, “the angels have come to take me and I am asking for a little more time—more time to repent.” “But you have no need to repent,” his disciples say to him.” “Truly” the old man replies, “I am not sure if I have even begun to repent.”

Anticipating the purity of heaven, Abba Sisoes desires more time to repent. He realizes that there are aspects of his life and of his relationship with God that he has been putting off or willfully ignoring and he knows, without a doubt, that he will soon have no further opportunity to deal with these. The heightened awareness that he is about to meet the Lord inspires a heightened desire in him for innocence and truth. And he hopes for more time to respond to the call to repentance. This could be an anxious moment if not for the promise that this type of “godly sorrow” leaves no regret.

Spiritual repentance hones us to the correct measure of heaven’s gate. It chips away the excess that we would otherwise regret. The godly sorrow that becomes our prayer results from the inner workings of the Holy Spirit whose purpose it is to convince us of our sin (John 16:8). And it is to our benefit that we learn how to participate with this merciful agenda. To know our sins in the context of God’s love is to be free from the illusions that otherwise make us complacent and rob us of any real incentive to be holy.

True repentance brings with it a balm that heals our souls. It has nothing to do with self-loathing, which only brings death. If our repentance is taking place in a spirit of hope, its fruit will be freedom, not guilt. St. Ignatius tells us how to discern the opposite effect of “worldly sorrow.” He says that it is characteristic for a negative spirit to “afflict with sadness, to harass with anxiety and to raise obstacles based on false reasoning.” If this is the effect our “worldly” repentance is having on us we can likely suspect that its origin is not in the Holy Spirit.It is the kindness of God that leads us to true repentance (Rom. 2:4). And it is by embracing it as such that we most honour the work of the Holy Spirit within us.

True repentance has a joyful note to it. The ice of

hard-heartedness and self-righteousness has been

broken and spring has entered the heart.

Like a spring breeze the Holy Spirit blows through

the heart enabling it to weep over its sins but to

rejoice in the Lord’s forgiveness and grace.

What a blessed gift repentance is!

Sr. Basilea Schlink

Questions:

1, In what ways do we put off dealing with aspects of our lives that God is calling us to change?

2. Consider Jesus’ parable of the presumptuous steward who, sooner than expected, heard the words “This very night your life will be demanded of you” (Luke 12:20).What changes might you wish you would have given more effort to make in your life?

3. Are you inspired to repentance by the “desire for innocence and truth?”If not how might this desire be kindled in you?

4. How do you see repentance as God’s way of honing us to the “correct measure of heaven’s gate?” How can we remain open to the conviction of the Spirit in order to more humbly participate with this end?

Prayer: Consider the attitudes, presumptions or illusions that make you complacent and rob you of the incentive to be holy.Ask the Holy Spirit to inspire you with a desire for the beauty of innocence.

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51. “Grace in a Critical Environment”

It may be that the LORD will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today. 2 Sam. 16:12

The story of Shimei, openly cursing David, and of the king’s unexpected response (2 Sam.16:5-14) is one that anyone who is familiar with suffering, with temptation, or who has lived long in a critical environment can certainly learn from. If you haven’t read the story in a while here’s how it goes…

King David has just been usurped by his renegade son, Absalom, who is now on his way to Jerusalem to assume his father’s throne. David is fleeing the city with his officials. As they reach the outskirts of Jerusalem they are met by Shimei, of the same clan as Saul, who boldly curses the king and his entourage, pelting them with stones as they march by.

“Get out, get out, you man of blood, you scoundrel!” he heckles from the roadside. “The LORD has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The LORD has handed the kingdom over to your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a man of blood!”

Abishai, one of the King’s commanders says to David, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.” David’s response is not one you would expect from someone who is used to absolute authority. And the way he interprets this situation is both surprising as well as a lesson for any of us who need forbearance in dealing with a sustained negative circumstance.

David tells his commander not to interfere—to let Shimei continue with his curses saying, “If he is cursing because the LORD said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’ Let him curse, for the LORD has told him to.” He then adds, “It may be that the LORD will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today.”

And so David continues along the road with Shimei following the whole way along a hillside “cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt (v. 13).” We too know such voices in life that curse and shower us with dirt along the way. Perhaps it’s in the form of difficult trials that can’t be avoided, or perhaps it’s an inner voice that curses us throughout our day. Or it might be a person who always seems critical towards us. There are many irritants that seem to accompany us our whole life and we wish we could somehow shut them up. The thought that these voices might actually be messengers from God is not necessarily the first interpretation that comes to mind.

But David, in one of his nobler moments, believes this to be the case. He is a man, humbled by circumstances, who is prepared to believe that God’s blessing might mysteriously be present in the painful situation that now afflicts him. He even hopes that the Lord might have pity on him, and repay him with good for the suffering he endures today.

The chapter ends with an understandable statement, “The king and all the people with him arrived at their destination exhausted.” We know how such trials of the spirit can harangue us to the point of exhaustion.But the verse continues, “and there he refreshed himself.” If there is a lesson for us in David’s example it is this—that we not be too quick to presume the origin or purpose of the negative spirits in our life. If they are there because God has permitted them, who can say “Why do you do this?” As we bear, in faith, the things that can’t be changed in our lives, perhaps our hope might be like David’s—that the Lord will see our distress and repay us with good for the things we suffer today.

Questions:

1, How do you usually fare when you find yourself living in a critical environment?How do you respond to personal attacks?

2. How does David’s acceptance of Shimei’s curses challenge you?What would you need to be able to respond similarly to criticisms?

3. How would it change the way you receive criticism if you were to interpret this as coming from the Lord?How can we offer even our distress to God in the humility of prayer?

Prayer: If you are presently in a “sustained negative circumstance” pray for the spiritual fruit of forbearance and for the insight to see God’s humbling hand in this.If you are not in such a circumstance pray for grace in anticipation of such inevitable times in your life.

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52. “Zeal for the Spiritual Life”

It is fine to be zealous…and to be so always and not just when I am with you.

Gal. 4:18

There is a bit of a misnomer in the term “spiritual direction,” especially as it applies to the helper who is often called a “spiritual director.” It would be easy to think that a spiritual director is someone who is somehow going to make you grow spiritually. But spiritual direction is more something that you do in between the times of outside guidance. It’s much more accurate to consider the term “spiritual direction” as referring to the path or momentum that, at times, we are in. At other times, it might be quite honest to say that we are without spiritual direction—that we are wandering.

In the Scripture above, Paul tells us to make sure that we maintain our spiritual direction, especially during the in-between times, when we are not at church, or with a mentor, or at a prayer group. It means doing whatever we can to keep our day-to-day lives pointed towards growth in the Lord and not letting ourselves get side-tracked from this direction.

To learn how to remain zealous and focused in a sustained response to God’s invitation is the art of the spiritual life. Once this response is in place in our lives, we can truly say that we are living in the momentum of spiritual direction. Spiritual guidance can then become a helpful ally to your journey.

It takes a lot of energy to get a ship moving but, once it is cutting through the water, a slight adjustment of the rudder is enough to guide it all the way to port. In the same way, a spiritual director, more than being the wind in your sails, is someone who helps you consider the adjustments to your rudder that will help you stay on course. The presumption, however, is that your life is already in motion towards God, or at least, that that is what you are desiring.

Ultimately every believer is invited to find, for themselves, the motivation of love that will encourage them in their daily walk towards God. Neither spiritual directors, mentors, books, prayer partners, nor the church can be any more than outside influences in this. As the folk song goes,

You’ve got to walk that lonesome valley.

You’ve got to walk it on your own.

Nobody else can walk it for you.

You’ve got to walk it on your own.

This necessary “aloneness” is part of the incredible privilege that comes from being uniquely loved by a God who calls us into personal relationship.

Questions:

1, It’s often been said that “if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish you feed him for life.”How does this apply to the things that feed your spiritual life?In what ways might we be over-dependant on books, church or other people for motivation for the spiritual life?How can we more readily sustain that motivation on our own?

2. How do we nurture, during the week, the flame that is kindled in us at church or other intentional gatherings?What are some things we can do to “keep our day-to-day lives pointed towards spiritual growth?”

3. What are some early indicators that we have lost momentum in our spiritual direction?Where do you go to adjust the “rudder” of your spiritual life?

Prayer:Consider the motivation of love that encourages your zeal for God.Ask the Lord to sustain this “living water” in you as the source of your daily renewal.

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53. “The Cross Tempers Us”

For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on themselves.1Cor. 11:29

Receiving bread and wine in the spirit of Eucharist tempers us in the direction of the sacrifice it represents. As we prepare to approach our Lord in humble remembrance of this event we have opportunity each week to align the disposition of our hearts to that which is most appropriate for this encounter.

From the earth, Jesus claimed the fruit of wheat and vine as the ordained place at which to meet Him in this focus.In this prescribed act, we also prepare for the day when we will soon meet our Lord face to face.No longer will bread and wine be the necessary symbols of His sacrifice.Christ’s visible wounds themselves will forever be our prompt for remembrance and thanksgiving.

We, along with all creation, will one day gather in God’s presence before the reality of Christ’s historic sacrifice.The prophet Zechariah recorded the words of Jesus saying, “They will look on me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn” (Zec. 12:10).The apostle John as well saw how the whole world will come to recognize its culpability in necessitating the death of its Saviour.“Every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and all the peoples of the earth will mourn because of him” (Rev. 1:7).It is in anticipation of this day, and in the soberness of humility, that we who appreciate its significance prepare ourselves.

In Communion, the tempered soul bows in remembrance of Jesus’ suffering and sacrifice.We allow this remembrance to impress us deeply as we acknowledge Christ as the remedy for our past and present sins.To do otherwise is to remain conspicuously out of sync with the reality of what is being offered here. That is why Paul tells his flock that they should be careful to examine themselves before they eat the bread and drink the cup.“For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on themselves” (1Cor. 11:29).Our mindfulness, or lack thereof, willinevitably judge the disposition of our hearts as either properly recognizing Christ’s sacrifice or not.

On this side of its full revelation we have opportunity, as often as we come together, to prepare for this meeting with Love’s sacrifice.For Christians, this involves properly discerning the body and blood of Jesus in the bread and wine of Communion.We gather in remembrance of what the Lord has done for us on the cross and, as we allow the Spirit to lead us in our discernment, we also anticipate the healing of all that is otherwise superficial in us with regards to our salvation.

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54. “The Art of Following God”

See, I have given you this land.

Deut. 1:8

There is no greater security than to know that you are where you are because the Lord has led you there. After a decision has been made, the most satisfying state to be in is to be able to say, with some degree of confidence, that this is the house, the job, the person, the purchase, or the course of action, etc. that I believe God has led me to. Taking the time to ensure a good discernment process in charting our spiritual direction will help free us from the self-doubt and fear that often accompany any major decisions in life.

But how does one go about discerning God’s will in order to enjoy such confidence in the choices we make? Thomas Green, a contemporary Jesuit spiritual director, has much to say about this in his book, Weeds Among the Wheat. Green stresses that, as spiritually mature men or women, we are responsible to judge and discriminate between authentic and inauthentic “voices” of God as we discern our way. The apostle John agrees, “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God (1John 4 :1).”

Discernment, like prayer, is something that can only be learned by exercising it. As we practice the art of seeking God’s will for our decisions, we will come to recognize more and more the Divine promptings by which the Lord leads His sheep. The perfecting of this art will also be for the purification of our souls as what usually complicates our discernment is our entanglement with self-love and our inordinate attachments to security, control or significance.

Green lists three qualities of heart that are essential dispositions for anyone who seeks to discern the will of God. The first one is humility. We must be humble simply because faith situations are always obscure, and our discernment is always impeded to some extent by our own sinfulness.Throughout the process of discernment the soul should always let itself be tempered by healthy self-doubt and by an openness to be guided by the Lord through others.

The second essential quality is courage. Discernment is not a substitute for faith; it is a way of choosing how to act in faith. The only way we will ever tell if our process of discernment is accurate or needs adjustments is by acting, in faith, on what we sense God telling us. Green writes,

Faith gives us the courage to risk. The healthy self-doubt that comes from humility does not lead to timidity, or paralysis but, in the discerning heart, to the courage to risk. We might be mistaken, but the Lord does not ask us to always be right. He asks us to act in faith, always true to the best understanding of His will that we can attain. Both a subjective certainty of having discerned God’s will, as well as an objective uncertainty of where the Lord is leading us can co-exist.

And finally, Green identifies the disposition of peace as the most confidence-establishing quality we can have, “The Lord always speaks in peace. Turmoil, anxiety and restlessness are never signs of His voice since they are forms of desolation.”

The process of discerning the particular ways that God guides us in our lives will help attune us to the Shepherd’s voice that leads us. And, to the degree that we have done our best to discern God’s direction for us, and are prepared to act in faith that this course of action “seems right unto the Spirit,” we will enjoy confidence that the Lord is not only leading us, but also delighting in watching His purposes unfold in our lives.

Questions:

1, How confident are you that God’s will is something that we have the ability to discern?How has this confidence helped or hindered you in the past?Do you generally err on the side or timidity or recklessness?

2. Jesus says in John 10, “My sheep will recognize my voice.They will not follow the voice of a stranger.”How do you feel about the trial and error that we seem invited to explore in this discernment?

3. How does our own “our entanglement with self-love and our inordinate attachments to security, control or significance” confuse our capacity to discern God’s will?What type of humility, courage and peace do we need to counter this confusion?

Prayer: Take time with God to come to terms with the hope or discouragement you feel regarding your own ability to discern God’s will in your life.Offer yourself to be led by God expressing, once again, your confidence that He desires to show you His ways.

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55. “The Discomfort of God’s Love”

You always resist the Holy Spirit!

Acts 7:51

It was Stephen, the church’s first martyr, who addressed these words to the angry Sanhedrin mob who were about to stone him. It is easy to see how such an accusation rang true for those unbelievers. But there is something about this statement that I too find uncomfortable. In many subtle ways, I too resist the Holy Spirit, especially when I am being drawn towards the awesome intimacy of a true encounter with God.

In her book, Spiritual Direction: Beyond the Beginnings, Janet Ruffing elaborates on the many ways we have of slowing down the process of intimate encounter with God. Something in us resists deeper experiences of God, especially in prayer, because we often feel overwhelmed or out of control in the face of the Lord’s initiative. Ruffing writes,

People frequently move away from God’s inbreak into their lives because something about the experience frightens them. This something might be the surprise of God’s initiation in the relationship, the intensity of God’s presence, the intensity of their own response to this, a perceived threat to self-image, a change in the way prayer is experienced, or a sense that unpleasant or undesirable consequences will follow.

Resistance to prayer often manifests itself in the all too common experience of being unable to find the time to pray. We conveniently become too busy. If that is not plausible, we find other ways of avoiding close encounters of the direct kind. Even when we do make ourselves available for prayer, we often sabotage our intentions. We busy ourselves with countless mental preoccupations instead of communicating with God as we had intended.

Another way we resist the immediacy of God’s initiative in prayer is by simply resorting to our safer, more familiar methods of prayer. We try to control the experience by using some self-directed means of prayer regardless of what the Lord might be doing. As Ruffing puts it, “One can easily go through the motions in prayer without ever making themselves available to God.”

Resistance usually happens unconsciously so there’s not much we can do about it until, by God’s grace, it becomes conscious to us. The particular issues of fear and distrust that cause us to pull back from God are deeper than most of us have immediate access to. But, for those who sincerely desire close encounter with God, there is good news—the Lord is not thwarted by our tactics.

God understands, and has already factored in our still-developing capacities for intimacy. He is much more persistent in luring us into real relationship than our responses would ever warrant. Despite our many forms of creative resistance, the Lord is determined to ultimately meet us in the awesome intimacy of love. In the midst of our ambivalence, He patiently awaits us.

We are either in the process of resisting God’s truth or in the process of being shaped and molded by it.

Charles F. Stanley

Questions:

1, How do you relate to the fact that we both long for and resist intimacy with God?What frightens you about the reality of God’s initiative in your life?Or of your response to that initiative of love?

2. How does being unable to find time to pray, or resorting to more controlled ways of prayer, represent subtle resistances to God?Is this something you recognize and can confess in yourself?

2. What does God have to overcome in you in order for you to be more at ease with His loving advances?

Prayer: Take time to confess, and accept, your resistance to God’s initiatives of love.Spend time as well with your desire for this same intimacy and express this to God in prayer.

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56. “The Living Word”

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit.

Heb. 4:12

The desert hermit Carlo Carretto refers to the Bible as a book that “marries heaven and earth.” In his Joyful Exiles, James Houston similarly says,

The Holy Scriptures constitute the ladder of communication between earth and heaven on which there constantly ascend and descend the heavenly messengers sent out to help lift up our hearts and minds to God in spiritual communion with Him.

It would seem, for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear,that the Word of God is a very active environment. But for most of us, our hearts are not always as open to the same expectations as our theology might be. We easily lose the connection between heaven and earth that Scripture promises us, and our enthusiasm for the Bible can wax and wane accordingly.

There is a particular way that people who begin to discover God through contemplative prayer experience this waning as the Lord changes their relationship to reading the Scriptures. At first, this reorientation can be quite disconcerting as we begin to notice a weariness, or even an aversion come over us with regards to Scripture reading. It is not uncommon, for instance, to hear someone in spiritual direction say, “I used to read three chapters of the Bible faithfully each day, and now I don’t even feel like opening it. What’s happening to my faith?”

As we grow in a more direct intimacy with God through contemplative prayer we should not be surprised that this will as well imply a new relationship to other aspects of our faith—to worship, to the church, to our understanding of evangelism and mission, and to the way we approach Scripture reading. In light of the new reality of God’s activepresence that such prayer introduces us to, the Holy Spirit will likely call us to reexamine many other aspects of our faith as well.

Correctives often need to be applied to years of self-directed spirituality and to all our well-meant efforts that might not have had their origins in the Spirit’s promptings. The order gets turned around as we recognize, more and more, that God alone is the Author and Finisher of our faith. As a necessary part of our maturing process, the Lord weans us from our self-directed ways, often by first taking away the satisfaction that we used to feel according to the presumptions of our old approach. He does so in order to lead us toward a more “received” relationship—one that is closer to truth than the perception that we, in any way, apprehend God through our own initiatives. This more profound integrity then brings a much deeper satisfaction to the soul, and to the Lord.

As it applies to Scripture, a contemplative re-orientation will invite us to a more Spirit-related form of reading—one whose objective is not primarily understanding, but communion with God. This shift in purpose might require us to read more slowly, perhaps going over a passage or verse a few times rather than simply skimming over it with our mind. As we learn to “feel” our way through a passage, we will detect signs of God’s presence within us that confirm His active presence in the Word.

Recognizing the living nature of God’s Word represents a different form of knowledge that ultimately transforms the act of reading into yet one more place of intimate communion with our Lord. We will discover the same presence of God that we have come to know through prayer, now revealed afresh through the Spirit-accompanied reading of Scripture. And, like the double-edged sword that it promises to be, the living Word of God will penetrate us deeply, creating a clearer distinction between the initiatives of our own spirit, and those of the Lord’s active presence in our soul.

Questions:

1, Have you had seasons of hungering for God’s word?What were you seeking in those days?What did that feel like?Have you, at times, also felt an aversion to Scripture?How do you interpret or respond to that spirit within you?

2. What relationship is God inviting you to have with Him through the Bible?What would have to change in your approach to Scripture to read it in a more “received” way?

3. What changes do you need to make in your approach to Scripture so that your understanding of the Word is not at the expense of your communion with God?

Prayer: Take time to enjoy God’s presence in your prayer, then turn to Psalm 23 and seek the same living presence in God’s Word.Return to prayer whenever you feel you have lost that sense of immediacy with God.

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57. “Witnesses of God’s Presence”

For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

John 17:19

What the world needs from Christians, more than anything else is first-hand wisdom concerning the nature of our experience in God. In his letter to the Romans, Paul tells us that the world actually “groans” for such sons and daughters to be revealed (Rom. 8:19). Our personal spiritual growth then, is something that creation both needs and longs for, and we will serve it best by our becoming what most reveals the Lord’s work within us.

The desert hermit Carlo Carretto reminds us of this—that as we seek God personally, we do so not only for our own benefit, but also for the sake of others.He writes,

Do not be in a hurry to leave your place of prayer. Do not become obsessed with time. Enjoy that peace as much as you can. It will begin to shine like a light in your face. And that will be the light your friends will be needing when you return to them. Evangelism consists in passing on that light, not the hollow sound of your own words.

For the sake of those we love, we press on in our pursuit of God. And, from the wellspring of our daily re-acquaintance with the Living Water, we invite and encourage those around us to seek the same. The people who are able to most effectively extend this invitation are those who are most faithful in responding to this invitation themselves. They carry, within their very countenance, the attractive news of God’s living “presence.”

But, like God’s gift of manna, the spiritual life is something that must be sought afresh each day if it is to truly feed souls—our own and those of others—in an immediate way. Carretto speaks of the winsomeness of such fresh experiences of God.

Only the person who truly contemplates the face of God can effectively say to his brother or sister: come and see, and understand for yourself how sublime He is. To lead others to contemplation: this is the soul of evangelism. Come and see, come and try for yourself, come and experience, come with me to the holy mountain.

Ensuring that the light of Jesus is a living reality within us is the one indispensable condition on which our ability to shed light on someone else depends. Like Jesus, for the sake of those we love, we sanctify ourselves. And, in faith, we trust the mysterious and attractive operations of God’s light to do the rest.

Questions:

1, How would you describe your first-hand experience of God to someone else?

2. In what ways does your own endeavour of seeking and finding God serve those around you?

3. How might our love for others spur us to sanctify ourselves for their sakes?

Prayer: Consider those you love and offer yourself to God, that He would sanctify you for their sakes.Express to God your desire that, for their sakes, the light of Jesus be a living reality within you.

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58. “The Intentional Choice To Not Be Afraid”

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matt. 10:30

Most of you will remember what it was like as a kid (or perhaps even now) to walk into a dark room or basement. You can’t see a thing and yet the blindness seems to cause your imagination to become more vivid and wildly creative than normal. In the darkness, all things seem possible, even the fantastic—monsters, giant spiders, a hand reaching up to touch you from behind. Fear mounts with every step, your heart beats faster, your spine tingles as all your senses are piqued for the irrational threat that you’re sure is gathering all around you. But, as usual, nothing happens.

Odd isn’t it, how darkness can produce such a heightened sense of negative anticipation in us. In the absence of information, we often tend to project our deepest fears. We fill the void with imaginary worst-case scenarios and we respond, and sometimes even act, according to the fears we project.

Lack of certainty about our future can also create a similar response in us. When we’re not sure what lies ahead, our propensity for fear seems heightened. Curious isn’t it? Why do we find it so hard to believe that what we don’t know, won’t hurt us? Why aren’t we more disposed to anticipate good from the hand of the unknown?

The satirist, Mark Twain, once wrote, “I have been troubled by many threats and dangers in my life. And some of them actually happened!” Mr. Twain identifies with the curious bent we all have for living our lives in a fearful-future tense.

It would seem that a big part of the Holy Spirit’s ministry with us is trying to convince us that we really don’t need to fear things as much as we think we do. Jesus often settled the anxieties of His own disciples’ fears with the authoritative words, “Peace be with you.” In many ways the Lord continues to minister similar assurances to us.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matt. 10:29-31) If the Lord is to minister His peace deeply within us we will have to also let Him deal with our irrational fears. Faith—the intentional choice to not be afraid—is the option He commands. Let us put this option into practice as part of our daily act of obedience.

Questions:

1, How do you usually respond to the unknown?Do you generally project fear or hope?How disposed are you to anticipate good from the unknown?

2. In what areas of your life do you think the Holy Spirit might be trying to convince you that you needn’t fear as much as you think you do?

3. How does the fact that “every hair on your head in numbered” help alleviate your fears?How do you relate to faith being “the intentional choice to not be afraid?”

Prayer: Consider how fear causes you to retreat into yourself.Consider as well how faith can help you stay with God, especially as you face the unknowns of your life.Ask the Lord to show you the faith alternatives to your fears and to help you be more disposed to trusting God in all things.

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59. “As A Garden Grows”

Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it, and that produces a crop useful for those for whom it was farmed, receives the blessing of God.

Heb. 6:7

According to this passage God’s blessing seems to follow an ecological cycle. Like land that often gets showered with rain, we too are often blessed with optimum conditions and opportunities for growth. Each day we have occasion to drink this rain deeply into our lives. And, like any well-watered garden, we eventually produce a crop, the result of the Lord’s blessings showered upon us.

But it doesn’t stop there. According to this Scripture, the crop that we grow is not only for our own benefit. It is especially a blessing to “those for whom it was farmed.” In other words, God grows a crop in us that is primarily designed for someone else’s good.

Consider how this might apply to you. What has God cultivated in your life that is ultimately designed for someone else’s sake? Is it a talent? A knack for hospitality or money-making? A cheerful disposition? A sober outlook?

It is both humbling as well as freeing to think that much of what you are—the crop of your life—has actually been given to you for the benefit of others. How does this change your relationship to God’s blessings—to know that they belong more to others than to you? How might it motivate you differently in the cultivation of your gifts?

People will often do far greater things for the sake of others than they would ever do for themselves. They might acquire new skills, study a discipline, learn a craft or overcome certain fears or insecurities simply because others need them to do so. These are some of the ways that land, which “drinks in the rain often falling on it,” bears fruit for the sake of others.

As we produce such an other-oriented crop in our lives we participate in the cycle of blessing which concludes, according to this passage, with the reward of yet more blessing from God. Presumably this blessing comes once again in the form of good rain showering upon us, which starts the cycle all over again. Rain falls… we drink it in… a crop grows… others are blessed by it… more rain falls… we drink it in again… another crop grows…..

Questions:

1, What are some of the “optimal conditions and opportunities for growth” that the Lord has showered on your life?What “crops” have resulted from the Lord’s blessing of your life?

2. In what ways have you witnessed the “crop” of your life being a blessing to others—to those for whom it was farmed?

3. What does it encourage in you to consider that your gifts and talents have been cultivated in you for the benefit of others?

Prayer: Take time to offer all that you are, all that you have, and all that you are becoming to the service of others.Consider the joy of cultivating the gifts God has given you so that others may be blessed by the fruitfulness of your life.

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60. “Not Taking Sides”

It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.Eccl. 7:18

Everywhere we look we see signs of tension between nations, ideologies, people and purposes. It’s hard to know where to position yourself in relation to many of our contemporary cultural and global issues. And it’s easy to feel that to not have a firm position on any given issue is a sign of irresponsibility, or worse, apathy. It’s not a very comfortable place to be. But, for peacemakers it is often a necessary one.

One can easily get rid of the tension inherent in any complex issue by simply adopting one extreme position or another. In other words we grasp one side, while letting go of the other. But the writer of Ecclesiastes tells us that we should avoid such easy options. And so does Jesus. To bear the cross of Christ means learning to live in that very place of tension where opposites meet.

In his book, Hope Against Darkness, the Franciscan priest Richard Rohr observes how the greatest souls around us seem to be those who have the capacity for holding opposites together in their lives. He writes,

By temperament, most of us prefer one side to the other. Holding to one side or another frees us from anxiety. Only a few dare to hold the irresolvable tension in the middle. But to be cross-bearing as a Christian means exactly that—to put yourself in the “middle” without letting go of either party in order to bear, in your body, the dilemmas of the world. It is a call to stand in the gap between opposing sides of every issue—between nations, between people and their sin, between wisdom and folly, between power and weakness. It means learning how to bear vulnerability, nakedness, exposure and even failure in our body just as Jesus did, so that a bridge between the polarities might be encouraged and, eventually, formed.

The choice to willfully bear such tension is, of course, the “folly” of the cross. It is a selfless disposition in which you are no longer trying to prove that your side is right but are prepared to hang in the balance, between the good and bad thieves of every issue, for the sake of reconciliation.

This is the only option whereby peace be achieved without forfeiting relationship. Jesus stood in the gap between sin and God’s law and bore, in His body, the reconciliation of both. “Go and do likewise.” our Lord says.

For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.

Eph. 2:14-16

Questions:

1, Do you find yourself often choosing sides in a dispute?When has this not led to a helpful outcome?

2. What situations in your life come to mind at the suggestion of living in “the place of tension where opposites meet?”How does this capacity suggest a “greatness of soul” that is more Christ-like than fighting against one side or another?

3. What would it require of you, for the sake of reconciliation, to situate yourself on the cross between the good and bad thieves of life?

Prayer:Consider a specific personal or social issue where God might be calling you to serve as a bridge between polarities.Ask God for insight into the disposition of Jesus as He hung in the balance between sinners and the righteousness of God.

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61. “The Maturing of Love”

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

Isaiah 49:15

St. John of the Cross expresses a beautiful metaphor for our progressive awareness of God in the image of a mother’s love for her baby. It is one that affirms both the constant nature of God’s love, as well as the evolution of our response to that love as we mature in our faith.

When a baby is newborn it is not yet consciously aware of its mother’s presence, other than that its basic needs are being met. For months following its birth, the mother often holds the baby in her arms and gazes lovingly at her child. Though the love that flows from the mother is directed towards it, the baby is not yet responsive to that love.

As the baby matures however, it gradually becomes aware of the mother’s loving attention. As it anticipates her affection, the infant begins responding more and more to the experience of being dawdled upon. It giggles and responds to the mother’s affection, loving the very idea of being loved.

But it is only later, when it is more mature, that the infant begins to respond lovingly to the mother’s affection on its own initiative. It now recognizes both the mother’s love that is directed towards it, as well as its own capacity to return that love. Throughout each of these stages of development, whether the child was responsive or not, the mother’s love remained constant. But it is only at this point that it can be said that the child is in a reciprocal, loving relationship with its mother.

Every minute of every day God is similarly gazing upon us, loving us as a mother would her newborn baby. At some point in our maturity we too become aware of this love that is being directed towards us. We awaken to the reality that we are the object of love, and we delight in the experience and warmth of the Lord’s affection for us. As we mature however, we grow beyond simply loving the experience of being loved, and we find more and more creative ways to reciprocate the affection that God has for us—we return love for love.

The apostle John says that, “we love God because He first loved us” (1Jn 4:19). Our spiritual maturity is established as we, in response to Divine love, grow in our capacity to “love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind.” Like the “weaned child” of David’s affection, we bask in the recognition of love received, as well as in our mature desire and capacity to reciprocate it.

I have stilled and quieted my soul within me.

Like a weaned child with its mother is my soul within me.

Psalm 131

Questions:

1, How easy is it for you to imagine yourself as the baby who is unaware of the mother’s constant love for it?How do you respond as you consider God’s love for you?

2. What are some of the signs that would indicate a person has matured to “loving the very idea of being loved” by God?What is your own respond to such a realization?

3. In what ways have you grown in your capacity to return God’s love out of your own initiative?

Prayer: Consider the ways you reciprocate God’s love for you.What else might a mature love for God inspire you to do in the coming week as a gesture of your intentional acknowledgment of the Lord’s love for you?

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62. “The Shape of Prayer”

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son. Rom. 8:29

In 1962, the French and British designers of the Concorde unveiled their superspeed jet to the world. Within months of this unveiling Russian scientists, who had also been working on an aircraft that would surpass all previous speed records, showcased their model as well. To the surprise of many (and to the suspicions of others) the Russian model looked very similar to the French/British Concorde, with its sleek body and characteristic down-turned nose. But engineers from both nations knew the reason for this similarity in design. It wasn’t because of some intrigue of espionage and stolen plans. It was the unseen laws of aerodynamics that dictated the shape of both these jets. If you want to design a plane that will overcome the resistance of aerodynamics in order to travel at more than 1,400 mph you will, by necessity, have to conform to the familiar shape of the Concorde. The air is what will ultimately dictate the shape one must take to travel through it.

In the same way, there is a particular shape that prayer requires from us in order to “travel” through it. There are laws of spirit-dynamics that we must conform to if we want to enter the atmosphere of prayer. Jesus once used the metaphor of passing through the eye of a needle for those who would seek to enter the kingdom of heaven. Not every shape is capable of passing through such a particular opening. But those who, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, continue to seek passage towards God will gradually find themselves conformed to the shape of Christ—the humility and righteousness that this particular gate requires.

Our regular practice of prayer is the most direct sculptor of our spiritual formation. The very nature of the Divine-human relationship that it represents forces us to become smaller, more humble, more receptive in order to be rightly related to its summons.

To pray “according to the Spirit,” we must learn to let go of our own design preferences in favour of the demands the spiritual environment we wish to enter will inevitably place on us. As we assume the shape dictated by the Creator’s hands we will be transformed into that which conforms perfectly with what we were ultimately designed for—relationship, in form and essence, with God. Like thread that has been brought to a fine point in order to fit through the eye of a needle, prayer and the life of faith fit us more and more perfectly for heaven’s gate.

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63. “The Forbearance of Love”

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth……

1 Cor. 13:4-6

The overall gist of Paul’s famous list of attributes is clear—love is a pretty complex subject. Don’t try and reduce it to just one thing, especially not to its more extreme expressions. When we think, for instance, of our love for God it’s easy to picture ourselves worshipping the Lord with our hands raised (or not), our hearts pouring out affection, and our mouths singing praise. This is one overt expression of love, but it certainly isn’t the most common one. Nor is it something that could be sustained for very long without soon becoming wearisome for both parties. Love is much more subtle than that.

Love nuances our many responses to life. It shades how we react to others, how we interpret and respond to them. It directs our movements. It holds us back at times, and moves us forward at other times. Love is the desire to make whatever changes are needed in ourselves in order to remain close to someone. It’s the corrective that we welcome in ourselves, for the sake of a more “fitting” relationship.

Love expresses itself not only as something offered, but mostly in how we receive the other person. It is the choice we make to let a person enter our lives, and stay there. It’s what closes the doors to rejection. Love gently tempers whatever excess it meets. It creates space and removes barriers by simply not entertaining anything that might deny it the right to receive the other person.

Love is the preferred option to bear discomfort for the sake of another. It is what we will willingly inconvenience ourselves for; what we will put up with; what we will ignore or overlook; and what we will take on at the expense of our own preferences.

Love is equilibrium. It is the ballast by which all other behaviours are adjusted. Though its stability is often shaken, love instills hope that life will always return to its original shape.

Love is all this, and many things more. It is important that we learn to recognize and celebrate its subtle forms as well as its more overt expressions.

…..it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

1 Cor. 13:7-8

64. “We Cannot Hinder God’s Grace”

There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan ,to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2Cor.12:7-9

How often do we presume that God’s work is somehow limited by our deficiencies? For those who long for transformation, how prevalent in our thinking is the assumption that our progress will somehow translate into more opportunity for God? I suspect that this was a big part of Paul’s motivation in pleading with God to remove the “thorn” he recognized in his flesh—that it was something that made him a less effective servant of the God he loved. It is easy to think in these terms isn’t it? As though God’s purposes were somehow impeded by the quality or quantity of what we have to offer.

If it was out of such concern that Paul so desperately prayed that this thorn be removed, we can certainly understand how he might have been disappointed, at first, by the response he got. The Lord never even acknowledged the issue that Paul identified. Instead, Jesus took occasion to express the sufficiency of His grace—as something that is not fostered, enabled, nor limited by Paul’s disposition towards it.

For Paul, the Lord’s answer to his prayer was yet another Damascus experience. In the space of two verses he expresses the full conversion of his weakness—from being the subject of his tormented plea, to now becoming the very object of his boast. Without it ever being removed from his life, Paul’s “thorn” was nevertheless redeemed. It was transformed from an impediment, into something that actually increased glory for the Lord he loved.

Is God limited by the quality or quantity of what we have to offer? It seems not. Can even our weaknesses be Christ-glorifying? It would seem wonderfully so. Let us, like Paul, learn to delight in the paradox of such amazing grace.

Questions:

1, By what criteria do you assess your own “usefulness” (or lack of) to God?

2. In what ways do we assume that God’s grace is either enabled or limited by our disposition to it?

3. What would it mean for you, in accepting the sufficiency of God’s initiative of grace, to boast even in your weakness?

Prayer: Consider how your own weaknesses are forums in which God’s grace is made more perfect in you. Give thanks, even now, for how this mystery is at work in our life.

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65. “Prepare to Meet Your Maker”

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.

Psalm 116:15

Imagine the precious hour of your own death. What relationship do you think you will want to have with God at this moment? What type of familiarity, confidence or trust will you hope to have cultivated with the Lord by now?

No matter what age you are, it is good preparation to ask how you might apply your life today to that which will best serve you at your final hour. Consider this inevitable moment in your life and what relationship you might want to have developed with the Maker you will someday meet. Here are some familiarities you might hope to have cultivated.

In the final realization that you are approaching God’s judgment, where “everything hidden will be revealed,” it will be good for you to have developed an honest acceptance of the whole truth of who you are. It will be especially important for you to be certain of your theology of salvation—that Jesus accepts you as you are, and that His sacrifice on the cross is truly sufficient to forgive all your sins. If you think you might wish you had more time to prepare yourself before meeting God, it might be a sign that you have missed the very point of Christ’s sacrifice for you.

Perhaps, as you approach this greatest unknown, you will be glad to have cultivated a life-long disposition of yielding to God’s will in all things. In these final moments, when all your faculties for self-direction are useless to you, it will be good to have developed faith in God’s direct hand on your life, and confidence that His sure guidance will continue to lead you in this moment, as it always has.

If you have lived a life of detachment it will naturally be easier for you to accept loss than if you have always found your bearings according to what you do, or to the things you own. It will be good for you to have lived according to Job’s sober remembrance that “naked I came into the world, and naked I will depart” (Job 1:20).

If you have any trust issues with God you will be glad to have taken the healing of your relationship seriously, while you could still do so at your own pace. It will be better to have developed a healthy and genuine relationship with God beforehand than to be approaching this moment of uncertainty with unnecessary fears and misgivings about the character of God.

It will be good as well to have learned how to genuinely accept the truth of God’s particular love for you. If you are confident that you are preciously loved, it will make it much easier for you to abandon yourself into the Lord’s arms than if you are uncertain how God really feels about you.

And finally, if throughout your life, it has been your disposition to offer all that you are and all that you do for the Lord’s purposes, it will be natural, once again, to offer the time and means of your death as a final way to serve God’s purposes in life. If you have given yourself in this way, you will have good reason to anticipate that whatever happens in this final stage of the journey will be in accordance with this prayer.

Lord, I will trust You.

Help me to journey beyond the familiar

And into the unknown.

Give me the faith to leave old ways

And break fresh ground with You.

Christ of the mysteries, I trust You

To be stronger than each storm within me.

I will trust in the darkness and know

That my times, even now, are in Your hand.

Tune my spirit to the music of heaven,

And somehow, make my obedience count for You.

—St. Brendan (Irish contemplative)

Questions:

1, Imagine, as best you can, the moment of your death. What do you imagine your disposition will likely be? What fears will you likely have? What faith?

2. To what degree do you presently live in the knowledge and acceptance that “everything hidden will be revealed?” In what areas of your life do you feel most challenged to prepare yourself for in light of this scrutiny?

3. How do you feel when you imagine the stark “nakedness” by which you will depart this world? How does meditating on this help you remain more detached now, with regards to your earthly status?

Prayer: Jesus’ final words, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” model the disposition of trust and confidence in God’s love which we should adopt not only at the hour of our death, but every hour of our lives. Take time in prayer to practice, even now, this Christ-like disposition.

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66. “Leaving Room For God”

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning,

Psalm 130:5-6

We will never know the Lord’s initiative in our lives if don’t learn how to stop taking the initiative ourselves. This is one of the most important things that the practice of contemplative prayer teaches us—to wait, in order to receive from the Lord.

Contemplative prayer is a time we set aside each day in order to stop, listen, and seek the Lord’s direct action in our lives. It is a time when we loosen the grip we have on our preconceptions, our plans and our life strategies in order to allow God’s creative initiative to be revealed to us. It is also one of the rare times we get to ask not only what we are to do, but also who we are, and who God wishes us to become, apart from our own preconceptions.

In prayer we place ourselves as a living sacrifice on the altar and we wait, confident that the Lord will receive our offering and use it for His good purposes. The offering of contemplative prayer, however, is something that needs to be kept in place, sometimes for a much longer period than we had anticipated. It is too easy, after we’ve placed our life on the altar, to remove it from there once we’ve grown impatient or have lost faith that God is actually there to receive it. We feel alone. We find ourselves becoming restless, or tempted with despair. After a short period of waiting, we often give up on the hope of God’s initiative and resort, once again, to our own agenda.

But the person who sets out to “wait on the Lord” must inevitably pass through this desert of uncertainty. They must resist the temptation to prematurely withdraw their offering if they hope to ever see the dawn of God’s initiative emerging.

In the desert of silent prayer, the contemplative learns to wait in the stillness of faith. Like a watchman, he anticipates the dawn of God’s subtle initiative. And, it is in this very act of waiting that his offering is perfected. As Andrew Murray once wrote,

Waiting honours God by giving Him time to have His way with us. It is the highest expression of our faith in His goodness and faithfulness. It brings the soul towards perfect rest in the assurance that God is truly carrying on His work.

Because we anticipate the initiative of God’s movement, we watch and wait in faith. And as the practice of such patience becomes easier for us, we will increasingly come to know the immediacy of God’s faithfulness in our lives.

Questions:

1, In what ways do you create space in your life for the Lord’s initiative? Silent prayer? Offering your plans to the Lord? Waiting? Leaning not to your own understanding? Fasting? Tithing? What other ways can we make room for God’s initiative in our lives?

2. How difficult is it for you let go of your own preconceptions of yourself and your life in order to hear something new and unexpected from God?

3. How do you respond to restlessness when you are waiting for the Lord in prayer? How can you move beyond the first impulse of giving up on waiting for God because of your own impatience?

Prayer: Choose a set time in which you will wait upon God in prayer. Resolve to not leave your prayer regardless of how restless or impatient you become. Ask the Lord to help you defer more to His initiative by helping you let go of the prevalence of your own initiatives in this relationship.

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67. “The Yoke of Gentleness”

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matt. 11:29

Let us consider gentleness and its place in relationship to prayer and to the spiritual life. Gentleness is a quality that Jesus identifies with His own character and one which He invites us to share, as though yoked together, with Him.

The spirit of gentleness is what our prayer life ultimately produces in us. It comes from, as well as leads us to, a place of rest. Such was St. Frances de Sales’ experience of gentleness in prayer.

As I pray, I perceive deep within me a certain sweetness, tranquility, and a gentle repose of my spirit in divine Providence, which spreads abroad in my heart a great contentment, even in its pains.

Gentleness is a disposition that gives a beautiful grace to life. It is wonderfully free of the anxious grip of imperatives as it lets itself be led by the slightest breeze of the Spirit. As the 16th century spiritual director, Francois Fénelon taught, “A humble heart is always gentle and capable of being easily led in its center.”

In its essence, gentleness represents the courage of faith. It is a bold statement to the principalities and powers above that we rest secure in the hand of God, since faith has freed us from our fears. Only the faith-filled man or woman can afford to risk such gentleness in life.

As we allow ourselves to be yoked with Jesus in this virtue, we will experience transformation in all of our relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. As Henri Nouwen puts it, “Through prayer we will learn the mastery of the gentle hand. Under this gentle regime, we will find ourselves once again becoming masters of our own house.”

Questions:

1, Is gentleness a quality that you generally associate with Jesus? How does it influence the way you relate to Him to be reminded of this?

2. How does prayer lead us to cultivate a spirit of gentleness? What effects of grace would you expect to see in your life from this virtue?

3. How does the “anxious grip of the imperatives” in your life contend with the gentleness that Christ’s yoke is leading you to? How does gentleness make you “master of your own house” again?

Prayer: Consider the submissive aspects of gentleness in your prayer. Explore what it means to be “easily led in the center” of who you are.

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68. “The Colour of Rest”

Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest.

Ex. 34:21

Leaves changing colours in the fall are always a feast to the eyes. They delight our senses and imaginations, and have provided poets, preachers and prophets with countless metaphors of life and death. My wife Ruth, who works for a Christian conservation organization (www.arocha.org) taught me something important about how the changing colours in a leaf are also related to the beauty we discover in ourselves whenever we rest in God.

During the summer months, when the sun is closer to the earth, leaves are busy providing the tree with glucose. The sunlight helps the leaves transform water and carbon dioxide into a kind of sugar that the tree needs in order to live and grow. This process of photosynthesis (which literally means “putting together with light”) activates a chemical in the leaf called chlorophyll, which is what gives the leaf its green colour. This, of course, is rudimentary knowledge for most. But perhaps the association of the green in a leaf, as the colour of work, might be new for you.

As summer ends and the days get shorter, there is not enough light nor water for photosynthesis to continue. The trees rest from their work and now live off the energy that has been stored over the summer. As the “work engines” shut down, the green chlorophyll disappears from the leaves and now the yellow, orange and red are revealed—colours that have always been present in the leaf, but were covered over by the green hue of summer activity. The leaves now display their beautiful autumn palette—their colours of rest.

Consider how this phenomenon relates to the changing seasons of your own life—the daily, weekly, monthly or yearly patterns of work and rest that you enjoy. The “green” seasons in our lives—our work colours—are, of course, also beautiful to behold. They represent the vitality of all the productive work going on in and around us. But, every autumn, the Lord reminds us, through the changing leaves, that there are other beautiful colours inside us as well, lying just beneath the surface of our work colours. In order for those colours to be revealed we need only stop our work and allow time for the yellow, orange and red colours of rest to come to the fore. It’s a pretty easy recipe for uncovering beauty in yourself.

Throughout the year, may we all enjoy days and seasons of Sabbath when we too can display the wonderful array of our restful colours. It will bring as much delight to those around us as the autumn foliage brings us each fall.

Questions:

1, How would you describe the “colour” of your active life? What produces the “chlorophyll” in your day that helps keep you green?

2. Are you among those who don’t really know what they look like in a state of rest? Do you see it as a problem when the “green” of your active life starts to diminish?

3. What aspects of yourself return to you as your “work engines” are shut down? How would you describe your colours of rest?

Prayer: From a posture of rest, make note of the shades of life that return to you. Consider how the display of these “colours of rest” brings delight not only to yourself but to others as well.

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69. “God in Our Day”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1Kings 19:11-12

Most of us tend to look for God’s guidance in the big sweeps of life. What job should I take? Which church should I attend? Who should I marry? There is, of course, divine guidance for us in these important matters. But like Elijah who, at first, sought the Lord’s word through the larger expressions of life—in the metaphors of strong winds and earthquakes—we often find that the more subtle, day to day work of the Holy Spirit actually takes place in the metaphor of gentle, but constant, whispers.

To sense the daily nudges of the Holy Spirit guiding you on your path is something that can be easily gained through the cultivation of prayerful attentiveness. An ongoing practice of prayer helps you recognize the movements of spirit that are, and have always been, taking place in the foundations of your life. Though it may only be a fleeting experience, there is nothing more reassuring than to be reminded that, moment by moment, whether you are aware of it or not, God is guiding you. As Elijah discovered, it is the practice of stillness that makes us more attentive to the subtle whispers of God. Awareness of this gentle movement brings with it not only guidance but also the confidence that, even when we don’t perceive it, this action is still taking place within us.

As we grow in relationship to God’s active presence within us we will come to appreciate more and more the ministry of our Creator, whose hand is always on the rudder of our hearts. With simple adjustments here and there He is constantly directing the navigations of our lives.

Questions:

1, Do you seek God in the day to day small decisions of your life, or do you tend to do so only in the big moments of life?

2. Do you believe that the Holy Spirit is always guiding you in your day? If so, how can you become more attentive in anticipating this movement within you?

3. How can the knowledge that this movement is going on in you, even when you can’t perceive it, give confidence to your faith in God’s guidance—that His had is always on the rudder of your heart?

Prayer: Take opportunity in your prayer to practice the “stillness that makes us more attentive to the movements of God.”

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70. “Our Sense of God”

But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

Matt. 13:16

Years ago, when I studied portrait painting, I was always mystified when the teacher would speak of the shades of purple and green that she could so easily detect in the shadows around the face and head. To my untrained eyes, shadows along the neck or in the eye socket simply looked gray. There are, of course, many subtle hues of light within a shadow, but it took years of cultivating a sensitivity to this light before I could ever appreciate the beauty my teacher recognized.

Similarly, there are many subtleties of divine presence and movement all around us that often escape our notice. As the Jesuit author, William Barry notes,

Whether we are aware of it or not, at every moment of our existence we are encountering God, who is trying to catch our attention, trying to draw us into a reciprocal conscious relationship.

The soul is the God-given “sense” through which we recognize the divine actions that grace every moment of our existence. Like the eye that detects the presence of light, and the nose that recognizes fragrance, the soul similarly identifies the presence of God within and around us. And, as men and women throughout Christian history have discovered, our souls have a capacity to grow in their sensitivity to divine activity.

The metaphors that are often used to describe the qualities and capacities of the soul would indicate that it operates, in many ways, like our natural senses do. When the Bible tells us, for instance, to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8) it is not referring to our literal taste buds, nor to our eyesight, but to a particular sense of the soul that is related, metaphorically, to our natural senses of taste and sight. Similarly, when the Scripture speaks of “listening” to the Lord it is referring to a particular form of hearing that, though similar to the one we know of through our ears, is such that only our souls are capable of.

Our natural senses gather information much like a satellite dish receives radio signals. They magnify for us the smells, sights, sounds, flavours and tactile presences in this world by focusing our attention on them. In the same way, our souls seem to be able to “detect” the presence of the Lord. They “hear,” “see,” “taste,” “smell,” and “touch” information from God which then allows us to discern what is being communicated.

A satellite dish needs to be set up and carefully adjusted in order to pick up the particular signals you wish it to receive. Perhaps our souls also need to be properly “aimed” in order to best receive the information they seek. That is why the Scriptures so often urge us to seek and desire God above all things—so that our souls will be focused to recognize the beauty of the Lord that is otherwise hidden in the shadows of life.

So how are we to more fully enjoy the blessings that Jesus refers to—of having ears that truly hear and eyes that see such beauty in and around us? Perhaps it is as simple a matter as William Barry suggests when he says that, “the religious dimension of experience is encountered mostly by the person of faith who is on the alert for God.” Intentionality, it would seem, is the mother of reception.

Jesus claims that we are already blessed with souls that have the capacity to see, hear, taste, smell and touch God. Let us grow then in this sense-itive, living experience of our Father, who delights in catching the attention of His children.

Questions:

1, How do you experience the presence of God? What are some of the signs in your own soul that would indicate your awareness that the Lord is near?

2. How do you respond to the suggestion that, throughout your day, God is “trying to catch your attention, trying to draw you into a reciprocal conscious relationship”?

3. How can we better “aim” our soul towards God in order to more fully receive His communications to us? How can we live a life that is more alert to the presence of God?

Prayer: Consider the sensory metaphors of tasting, seeing, healing and touching in your experience of God. Take time to delight in your exploration of these “senses” of the soul—the many and varied ways we might recognize God within us.

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71. “Waxing Hot or Cold”

The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth. Psalm 97:5

If mountains melt like wax before the Lord, it is no wonder that our hearts do as well. Many of our most profound experiences of God are also often accompanied by physiological responses—sensations of peace, warmth and well-being.* And it is often through these responses that we discover, once again, how very tender and fluid our hearts can be as they “melt like wax” before the Lord.

While a candle is burning, the hardened wax turns to liquid and either makes a pool under the flame, or else begins to flow freely down the candlestick. Once the flame is extinguished however, or the wax has dripped below the range of its heat, it hardens into whatever form it has cooled down to. We know that it will remain in this state until the candle is lit again, and the heat of the flame causes the wax to melt and be fluid once more.

Our hearts, as well, “harden” into various shapes whenever they are away from the light of God for too long. We feel stuck, unfree, not as fluid as we once were. As we return to God however, we sense something loosening up within us. This is often our experience when we worship, read Scripture, or pray in the presence of God. Our hearts warm up to the Lord’s light and begin to “melt” before Him.

There is another image of wax that also helps identify this dynamic of spiritual life. For those who have never heard of a lava lamp, this curiosity was an enclosed, glass lamp with a light bulb at its base. The glass was filled with oil, with a large blob of wax floating in it. As the wax sank to the bottom of the glass it was heated up by the light bulb and would then slowly start floating upwards. All sorts of mesmerizing shapes were created as the wax broke apart and reformed in wonderfully indeterminate ways. Once it got to the top, away from the direct heat of the light bulb, it would cool down and start descending again through the oil. The wax would dance up and down the lamp like this, depending on how close it was to the heat of the lamp.

The most curious aspect of a lava lamp is how such a mindless activity could, for inordinately long periods of time, delight those watching it. What was it that made such a phenomenon so attractive? Perhaps, in the ebb and flow of the wax to the heat of the light, we subconsciously recognized something familiar—a similar movement in our own souls as they move towards and away from God.

Like wax being warmed by a flame, or else cooling down when it is distant, our hearts are always changing according to their relationship to God’s light. It is because our Father wants us to enjoy a freely-flowing life that we are repeatedly invited to draw near the warmth of His presence, where we are told that even hardened things like mountains end up melting like wax.

* This is not to say that our experience of God is the only indicator of His presence, nor that the lack of an experience of God implies His absence. It is simply to recognize the fact that spiritual experience, when it does occur, is often accompanied by physiological signs.

Questions:

1, How do you relate to your heart being either “fluid” or “stuck” at times?

2. How might the relative state of freedom in your heart be an indicator of your nearness or distance from God?

3. What state of heart do you imagine God desires for you? Why?

Prayer: Take time in prayer to offer the state of your heart to God. Confess any sense of hardness that you are aware of and express your desire to be more fluid in God’s Presence. Notice any signs of your heart “melting” as your prayer unfolds.

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72. “Praying From a Deeper Place”

The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.

Rom. 8:6

Prayer often begins in the mind. The decision to pray is usually followed by thoughts of what to do about it, a reflection perhaps of the purpose of what we are doing, and a recall of methods and means that we believe will help us in that purpose. But the mind itself cannot lead us to contemplative prayer. By its very nature it hovers above the spirit—observing, learning, and informing the will. It can never become, nor lead us to our souls.

But often, as our prayer progresses, we recognize the presence of another Guide. From the place of stillness, the subtleties of the Holy Spirit are revealed in the heart. In a gentle, interior movement that is usually imperceptible to the mind, the Spirit of love, peace and spiritual joy now offers to lead us in the direction of deeper prayer. We are invited to follow its ways, and therein begins the gradual transformation of our desires—from the desire to know, to the desire to “be.” The mind, now controlled by the spirit, promises to lead us to an experience of life and peace that we could never attain on our own.

Contemplative prayer that emerges from the heart is of a quality that is immediately recognized as more profound in truth and essence than any other form of knowledge. Though foreign at first, its language is one that resonates with the deepest instincts of our being. We sense as well that it represents an opportunity to re-identify ourselves according to this new, and truer center from which we can learn afresh who we are, and where we are going.

Once we have recognized the deeper self within us it is very difficult to return to anything less. We now have an experience of profound life as revealed to us by the Spirit, and we become more acutely aware whenever we stray from this place of deeper truth. A subtle tension results when we become aware that we are no longer operating from our center, and this tension beckons us to keep returning to the deeper truth that we know exists within us. It is this tension, and our continual response to it, that gradually re-habituates us towards a deeper place of origin—a place born of the Spirit, rather than of ourselves.

Once this pearl has been identified as precious, we more naturally and willingly respond to God’s invitation to exchange all we have for all He wishes to give us. We choose, even if it means letting go of our familiar habits of thought, to let our minds be more and more controlled by the Spirit.

The mind controlled by the spirit…Imagine the different experience of life that this new order will offer us. In submission to the Holy Spirit, we are told that we will find rest and renewal in the freedom that God has saved us for.

Questions:

1, How do you relate to the distinction between your mind and spirit? What is your experience of peace according to each of these faculties?

2. How do you sense the Holy Spirit communicate to you the invitation to go deeper in your prayer? How do you respond to this invitation?

3. How would you describe the state of soul that you long to return to? What would you need to “exchange” within yourself in order to more fully embrace this precious pearl?

Prayer: Consider, in prayer, what it means to let your mind be more and more controlled by the Spirit. Welcome the life and peace that God promises will be the result of this submission.

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73. “Praying From a Tepid Place”

What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.

Prov. 19:22

People who pray regularly recognize and must accept that they don’t always desire God as much as they wish they did. It is an uncomfortable truth that requires a certain amount of courage before we can even admit it to ourselves. But once we do—once we accept that we are weak in our desires for God—a new path opens up for us. We come to recognize that it is “better to be poor than a liar.”

From such a place of honesty we are now free to choose whether a genuine desire for God is something that we really wish to have or not. If it isn’t, then at least we are being truthful with ourselves and can now ask God to continue working in us so that this might someday become something we actually desire. Perhaps this is the very “poverty of spirit” that Jesus spoke of as, paradoxically, a blessed state. If, however, a desire for God is something that we do wish for ourselves, we can simply and earnestly begin asking for it.

If we recognize, in examining ourselves, that our hearts have become tepid, it is quite legitimate for us to take a step back and pray for the desire to desire. If we feel that we have lost our passion, we can simply be honest about it and ask the Holy Spirit to increase our desire for God, to restore us to our first love, or to wean us away from the things that now distract us.

A sincere desire for God is something that can always be restored to us. But, before that can happen, it might be necessary for us to first recognize and admit to ourselves that it is absent.

O Jesus, my desires are often weak and wayward,

and I don’t know what I can do about it.

I wish to see them increase and to have my life directed more

towards what I know I desire most—You.

Thank You Lord that this relationship

does not wholly depend on me.

For I know that I would be lost and without hope if it did.

Thank You that You continually create for me

the path that I am to follow.

I know that there is nowhere else from which to begin this path

than where I am right now.

Thank You that, though You call me to seek You,

You also reveal Yourself as the One who has already found me.

In such faith, I know I am saved.

Amen.

Questions:

1, What fears might prevent you from admitting that you don’t love God as much as you should?

2. Do you have faith that you can actually ask God for the desire to desire Him? How does this option change your relationship to the love you feel for God? In other words, where does this love come from and who sustains it in you?

3. What are some ways, other than coming to God for restoration, that you opt for when your heart has become tepid? What hesitations might you have to asking God to wean you from things that dissipate your heart’s desires?

Prayer: Consider your love for God. If it is strong, give thanks to the Holy Spirit for this gift of relationship. If it is lukewarm, ask the Lord to restore the love for Him that you know your heart is capable of. Express your desire for this love to God.

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Imago Dei Christian Community